OctPoWriMo - Day Seven

Missing You

Time moves and things change

As they're supposed to.

I sit on the outside looking in

And think of you.

I think that I should move on

But it's because people keep talking

Like I have to follow.

Can't they tell by now that I'm different?

Not remember how close we were?

I barely left your side

And you stayed with me.

I don't care what they say

Because I miss you,

I miss you so much.

You were my life,

My soul,

My saving grace.

You were my home.

Now you're gone

And so is everything,

Everything I ever knew..

OctPoWriMo - Day Five

Who I Am

I'm stuck between
who I am ,
who I want to be,
and who I should be.

I should be a smart
good girl,
maybe a bit mysterious,
given I like to keep secrets.

I want to be at least average,
pretty, and confident.
I want to be happy
and have friends that truly care.

But unfortunately, I'm
stupid, not very pretty, and very annoying.
I'm a depressed wreck
with no chance of true happiness.

I'm constantly thinking
of who I want to be,
worrying over who I should be,
and hating who I really am.

OctPoWriMo - Day Four

Best Way To Go

Flesh and hair yield no interest in me these days.
Limbs and lips are just accessories to the soul.

No one carries a drop of my blood in their heart,
So why carry on living in an empty vessel,
An empty sack of bones and non functional organs?

Instead, I wish I were a small secluded flower
Up on a hill with fresh air and vanilla spring water.

Dying as a person demands attention and harsh fluorescent lights.
A stench of biohazard trash and wasted moments besiege a white, sterilized room.

But wilting and withering away like a flower does
Must be the most peaceful way to go...

Surrounded by life as the sun sets and a light scent 
Of blooming roses and imminent rain lovingly intoxicate 
Delicate and decaying parts of me,
A simple form of life on earth...

To lie so still cushioned by a quilt of grass,
While the sun warms me up,
And it's dark counterpart cools me down
Day after day, 
Until I've withered thoroughly 
And have at last joined the the souls of nature deceased.

OctPoWriMo - Day Three

Depression Takes It's Toll

Behind these eyes, I cry the tears I've never shed

In my heart, I feel the pain I have known to dread

I am fractured, shattered

And for once a smile can't smother the hurt

It'll only make it worse

I was prepared for what would happen

I kept repeating that if would be tragic

My heart is cracked open, broken

I could feel his heart begin to rest

And I understand that it's for the best

I hate this

The tears keep tumblind down

And I can't fake it, I can't fake it

I am fractured, shattered

And for once a smile can't mask the hurt

It'll only make everything worse

This is the first time I've ever had to feel

It hurts to have something to reveal

I hate looking a mess

From the burning in my chest

Because the tears are finally real

OctPoWriMo - Day Two

Refusal to Acceptance

I am in denial.

I sometimes hope.

I sometimes wish.

So much that..

I sometimes believe..

That you need me as much as I do you.

That you want to talk as much as I want to talk to you

That you think of me as much as I think of you.

But,

I am in denial. 

Because I know that isn't so.

I need you, and you can go on without me.

I want to talk to you all day long but you can occupy yourself without me.

And I think of you all day long and I'm you hardly think of me.

I know I'm in denial. 

But acceptance is what I need to achieve. 

I'm having a hard time getting there.

I think id rather believe what I want.. 

It makes me happy.. I smile..

In the moment..

For the moment..

But that can only be followed by pain and disappointment.

I thank you though

For being the false happiness in my beautiful imaginary world. 

OctPoWritMo - Number One

As Time Passed By

Two weeks have passed

I still await the day when everything

Shall become the way I have dreamt

But all wishes become shattered

As I encounter the same loneliness 

That has been my companion through time

In occasions when sadness surrounds me, 

Deciding to remind myself of happier times 

Seems useless to the mind,

And every bit of passion in me,

Desires your presence again

Forgetting all the pain it causes the heart.

Could this be the final chapter?

A moment in history where it all ends,

Or could it be a renewal of my life itself?