Poem - Too Late

Why weren't you there
Why didn't you even care
The scars deep inside
I just threw them aside

I pretended that things were okay
When they were actually in disarray
I was left alone, all filled up with hate
Years have passed, now it's all too late

I sewed myself shut from you
Now you can't break me, you can't push through
You don't mean anything to me anymore
You're just a prisoner of your own war

Poem - Faking It

Crying in the rain
After living through pain
I scream for release
From all kept inside
Tears mix with raindrops
So no one knows
How I really feel

Fake smile plastered
And the fakest laugh I have ever heard
Seem to content the whole world
I say I'm ok but am I
Who am I and who is she
What in life is real

Watching the pain melt away
With one cut through the day
To keep me content
And store my tears for another day

Poem - Freeing Myself From Pain

Picking up the blade
To bring me back to life
Using this knife
Freedom is close
After this cutting dose
Watching blood slowly drip away
I need to feel someway
Before I give up to death
And never take a look back

Poem - My Darkest Day

It all started with a simple workout
then from there is was down hill
i started a fight
that just not right

drunk in my own sadness
i go to her for comfort
but all i find

them in my bed
now they are so dead

but sitting here with a bottle
and this sharp knife
i'm thinking what happen to my life
i wanted make it stop

now with this knife to my neck
i see i'm a wreck
these cuts & bruising remains
what do i have left to gain?

Poem - Broken

Broken

 Her eyes blurred gray like the sky just before it storms.
Her smile like a broken window in an old dusty bar.
Her heart like a stone in the ocean. With no where to go but down.

Poem - Depression

Words cannot say,
What I want them too.
I can't say how I feel,
Nobody believes it's true.

Instead I hold it in,
Hoping I'll get through.
Another day in pain,
Knowing its me not you.

How do you tell family,
That you're falling apart.
Hiding that your sad,
And your broken heart.

What happens when,
You think your not worth it all.
You wish they'd realize,
You can't help but fall.

When you cry secretly,
And you cry yourself to sleep.
You keep your door shut,
So nobody hears you weep.

You distance yourself,
So nobody gets hurt.
If you decide to end the pain,
And scatter yourself in dirt.

The day you knew the fact,
It was the day of your birth.
You came into life,
Knowing what you were worth.

Every single coin spent,
You wished to take it back.
Thinking your not worth it,
And leave it just at that.

You can't help but think,
You can't do it on your own.
But you don't want anyone close,
Incase you still end up alone.

Poem - Suicide

If I killed myself...

Would anybody care?

If I didn't... 

Would anyone be there?

So many questions to ask, 

Why won't the pain go away?

My heart can't take much more..

So why do I stay?

Nobody wants me here.

I am nothing. 

If I killed myself...

Would I be something?

Poem - What happened to me?

What happened here?
Where did I go.
Sick of these tears.
Lost and away from home.

Give me the knife.
Its time to end my life.
I know you dont care.
So let my guilt be what I share.

You have no idea how I feel.
This depression building up, like going up hill.
I am so tired and I just want to sleep forever.
You were just so darn clever.

You knew what to say and You played with my heart.
But that is fine, now I am the one being smart.
What happened to my laugh I use to hear so much.
Cant even finish a small meal of lunch.

What happened to me that this is what you do?
Well, just know that my life is through.

Poem - Thrown Away

I cannot stand being in this place

Where to people I'm just a face

That there is no life at all in me

I am the soul that no one can see

I just drag around and pushed down

I cant stand my ground or make sounds

No one can hear me or wants to

I am the person that people only screw

If you see me well thats quite not true

I am someone that you can see through

I have no right to thoughts and no right to speak

All of my pain continues on me as streaks

My scars show who I am today

I am the person who gets thrown away

Everything I sacrifice and everything I give

But no one around me cares me to live.

Poem - Me!

People don't know what I'm going through,
They don't know what it is like to be me.
They don't see how much I'm in pain,
Their eyes are blinded, they cannot see.

These scars i have are permanent,
These cuts wont fade.
This hole in my heart is so deep,
I wish they wouldn't stay.

No one understands,
Why i act like i do.
Its who i am,
Its me being true.

Poem - Lets Cut

Lets cut
lets bleed a sadness
all our own
fill the blade go deep
in my skin
a smile of relief
blood flowing down
the drain
getting hard to breathe
just want to hold my
breathe forever
wanting sweet relief
deadly relief
lets cut and
hold our breathe forever
sweet
sweet
relief

Wednesday Morning

This morning I climbed out of bed around 7:45am. Let the cats into our partners bedroom, well I was getting some clean clothes. For the past hour, I've been updating my profile on blogger and searching the blogs for something to inspire me. The last two to three days I've done nothing but play games and get frustrated about not being able to write. I totally hate when I can't write. It gets me so depressed with the lack of wanting to live. I know many people might think I'm weird or strange, but truthful I get bogged down and depressed majorly when I'm not able to write.

This morning, I thought search blogger to see if you read someones blog maybe I'll get inspired and want to write and write. No I don't have writers block. I just not inspired. Writing to me is a way of expressing my feelings, thought and my soul onto paper and I feel good about it. Writing is something I do naturally. It lets me express who I am on the inside, not how I look on the outside...

Poem: I Can't

Love cripples the heart.
Emotions fall apart,
As your voice calms me.
This truth you'll never see.

I shake inside in terror,
As my path to you becomes narrow.
Love is meaningless apart;
I'll die seeing you depart.

You know none of this though,
For the feelings I've never showed,
Nor will I ever tell you
Because I've never seen anything true.

So love dies today.
I fade into the shade.
You go back to your home,
Leaving me with these thoughts to roam.