Poem - Is This Life Worth Living

Is this life worth living 

if your living it alone 

to try to walk with your head high 

to make people think your strong 

your crying on the inside 

while trying to smile on the out 

your mind it planing ways of ending it 

but your heart won't pull it off 

you try to think of the ones you would hurt 

if you where to go

but your head tells you they will grieve 

but then they could move on 

is this life really worth living 

if your living it all alone

Poem - Am I Ugly

I am ugly

This is me

I feel hopeless.

My ugly looks I hate

Even though I pretend to love my looks.

Nothing is beautiful about me

This feeling makes me be miserable

As I hate my ugly looks, which make me appear as a reject.

NaNoWriMo Update - Day 10

It's the tenth day for NaNoWriMo. I am planing on writing some today. I wrote over 3,000 yesterday. I am way ahead of schedule. My story is flowing like the wind. Just love the way my story is growing into a good novel. I still think I should've written it in 3rd person. 1st person is easy for me I know. I just think if I wrote in 3rd person it would be a better story. Will write my next story in 3rd person.

Right now I need to feed myself and get some writing done. I know I'm going out writing with Theresa tomorrow, just need to write today though. My headache is turning into a migraine. Need to make sure I write no matter what I feel like. I have to keep my word count ahead of schedule. Just feeling so alive when I'm writing my story. This is going to be a scorcher of a story. Jade feels like I would if I was her. Jade is the protagonist/MC in my story. She is such a loving character. Just got to know where she is coming from.

Day Four - NaNoWriMo - November 2014

It's NaNoWriMo again. This means it's November 2014 and I'm working on my next novel for NaNoWriMo. I think this is the time to get these novels written. I have done my first three days. On day one I got 2500+ done, day two I got 1700+ done. Third day I got hardly nothing written. Now on day four I've done so much already and going out with a friend to write tonight. Just know writing is my thing. I love writing and writing is the only good thing I'm good at.

Just this year I plan on dedicating this novel to my late departed mother-in-law. She was someone who inspired me to write along with my partner. they are both my muse for writing. My mother-in-law has been gone for a few years now. I miss her smiling face. Her words of wisdom. They are both good things I remember about her. She would phone me most days to check up on me. She would always ask about my writing. How it was going, what I was writing so on. Now I don't have that at all. I miss her so much.

Now day four. I plan on getting up to 10,000 tonight or sometime tomorrow. I know I can write this story. It's a good story to be writing. I have called this one Chronicles of Jade Foxx. This is going to be a series I plan on writing. It's on one of my pages to the right. Just read up about it. You are sure to like the story and the start I have for this one. I will be updating this blog throughout the whole of this month. I know I can make a BIG splash one day. Just trying to remember that my mother-in-law is watching me from above.

NaNoWriMo: This is What it is to Me!

During NaNoWriMo, I’m supposed to write at least 1,670 words per day if I expect to reach my goal of 50,000 words during the month of November.Last year I made it just. I failed Camp in April and June this year. I must write this story I have in my mind to write.

NaNoWriMo: YES!

The 1st of November is fast approaching which means the start of National Novel Writing Month (more often known as NaNoWriMo). What better way to celebrate the beginning of the winter months than by locking yourself away and writing a novel? It may seem scary and time-consuming, or an insurmountable challenge, but I think that if you are interested in writing then NaNoWriMo may just be the best way to go about it.

 So why write during NaNoWriMo? 

Structure:
Firstly there is that word count. 50,000 words is  1,667 words a day. That is absolutely achievable, and it gives a defined benchmark to meet everyday. Luckily, you do not have to achieve 1,667 every day, if there are days where writing is not an option, you can write extra on other days and it will all balance out.

You don’t even have to count the words up yourself, you can submit to the NaNo website and it will keep all your information there. There is also a progress tracker which will show you how close you are to your goal which is always useful for inspiration and encouragement. Sorted!
 
Support:
As part of signing up, you are sent pep talks and words of encouragement. These are from writers and people who have completed NaNoWriMo, and as a first time participant in 2012, I found them really helpful. You see examples of people who completed projects and achieved the magic of getting published. Building resilience, these talks show that if they can do it, you can do it too.

Social:
Another aspect of NaNoWriMo that I really enjoyed, and think you might too, was the social aspect. While you can be left to your own devices, for those of us who like having that extra bit of social support, there is help. Through the website there are facilities for chatting and meeting people who are attempting to complete the challenge also. You can add friends and keep track of their successes and progress. If your friends are editing this year and not writing, there are forums for online socialising and a hashtag on Twitter, where people encourage, look for support and share ideas and tips. If you prefer going outside and meeting people face-to-face there is also a facility to search for groups meeting in your local area. Go along for writing sessions, coffee and to make new writing friends.

I think this is one of the aspects of NaNoWriMo that sets it apart. There is very much a community feeling, the idea that we are all in this together. I am currently editing a project and it is no way near as fun as the initial 30 days of writing, reading and talking about writing and reading with people writing and reading in the same situation.

Sport:
If you are the competitive type, NaNoWriMo has provided for you too. There is a competitive streak running through the month which I think is great fun. You can win badges for reaching certain milestones or achieving fulfilling certain tasks. You can get a running counter for your blog, showing your progress to the world. There is also a chart showing how many words particular regions have written, so you can fly the flag for your home country and get working!

Swag:
Once you have competed 50,000 words (or more!) in the month you are now a NaNoWriMo winner. Congratulations! Now it is time for some swag and there is much to choose from. There are posters, t-shirts, coffee mugs and much more that you can purchase to remember your victory, or your participation (anyone can purchase these and they are lovely). There are also companies who offer discounts on their products for Winners including Scrivener which gives 50% off! Really good stuff.
I hope the above has inspired you to take part this year. There are still a couple of days left for preparation, or just plough on in on 1st November. Christopher Hitchens said “everybody does have a book in them, but in most cases that’s where it should stay.” Can’t say I agree, instead get that novel going in November.

Poem - Guardian Angel

All you wanted for me was rest and contentment
and though lately I've been tossing, sweating,
wrestling demons between stale sheets,
I'll try to find consolation.
Like in how we revere the same Roman Catholic
church our families raised us in,
dirt roads, the same stained glass windows,
the same Stations of the Cross, the same
sanctuary, the same shadows of jubilant angels
dressed in pale yellow with golden hair,
hands folded toward the Prince of Peace.

I find myself chanting your name
in obscure places, under staircases,
under muddy skylines, under
the oppression of my thoughts
and though I feel shaken with separation,
I will stop doubting that you are here.

That you are like my guardian angel.

Xplanations

X is a funny letter
It’s legs are long and straight
For more than that, I am afraid,
You will just have to wait.

What is the Price of Creativity?

The world is a place where everything is bargained. You want to have a car? You must have the enough amount of money to buy it. You want to run a mile? You should have enough energy to do it. And that’s why I sometimes think, what is the price of creativity?

I’ve spent most of my adult life pondering about things and trying to look at them in different perspectives. When most people see a cat, I want that cat to be some sort of an inspirational gold mine. I want it to teach me something deep about life and the universe. I want to make a story out of it or, if it’s impossible to extract a story worth telling, maybe a poem or some artistic output right then and there.

This often leads me to becoming over-creative. Often I want to be clever and different. I want to break and challenge the status quo. And sometimes, this brings bad things to me.
For example, just a few months ago, I accepted a challenge to participate in a short story writing competition. I was confident because I had so much stories in my head and I wanted others to read them.

At first, I thought this is good. I have a lot of stories to tell. My creative mind is working perfectly as it  should be. 

So, I let a few weeks pass trying to make the story “ripe” enough to be written. And that takes me to today. It’s less than a week before the deadline, and I’m cramming into what could be a half-baked story.

I asked myself what happened in the past months? What was the problem?

And I got the answer that I never expected. Yes, I have a lot of stories in mind to tell. But the problem is, I have a lot of stories to tell.

I packed myself too much in thinking of notable stories to a point that I can no longer choose which story will I  write about. It’s like I was in a buffet where all of my favorite dishes were served. I wasted time trying to decide what I really wanted so I just took everything and got sated.

Maybe, that’s one of creativity’s prices. You are forever burdened with the responsibility to to come up with stories worth telling to a point where  your shoulders can no longer bear the brunt of pressure to tell every story.

Perhaps, it’s the pressure that people unknowingly put on you. It’s the constant gazes at you, expecting you to blurt out some inspirational phrase, or say something deep, emotional or life changing.

Ultimately, maybe it’s the pressure you tend to put on yourself. Maybe it’s the unceasing wanting to prove that you are creative and worthy of recognition. That you can, and will be, clever and different; or that you will be able to change the system.


However, as blunt as it may seems, the pressure you experience isn’t really worthy anything.
You are not tasked by the world to tell everything. Maybe it just asks you tell a single story. People don’t look at you  while waiting for something inspirational or life changing. In fact, most of them don’t care about you at all. And maybe you are not bound to eradicate or change the system. Maybe you need to create a system of your own.

If I had learned anything about my disappointing writer’s block, it is this: that you can’t always deep meaning in everything. Sometimes things happen because they just do. Not because they are pulled in a way that can change your life. Sometimes, the universe wants you to see the blue skies not to make you fell sad, or calm or anything, but because the sky is simply blue.

Just like when you buy a car, or run a mile, you don’t mope over the prices you paid. You don’t brood for the dollars you spent or the energy you exerted. What you do is use the car, or finish the run.
The same is true with creativity, you shouldn’t focus on the price you paid. You focus on the benefit you gained.

Does Bad Grammar Mean Bad Writing?

Bad grammar is probably the second worst nightmare writers dread. (Of course, nothing scares the hell out of writers than writer’s block) But does having an impeccable grammar directly translate to good writing?

I have been writing for over six years now and honestly, I still feel embarrassed whenever I see my work with grammatical errors. Name the smallest rule in grammar, I might have broken it once in my life. Over the years I have broken rules on subject and verb agreement, parallelism, the usage of passive voice and more.

And up until today, I can say that I’m not 100 per cent error free.

Whenever this happens, there is some sort of humiliation in my part. It may be normal for all writers who have publicly committed mistakes. Hey, we’re still human beings. It’s not like we’re born with impeccable grammar. However, because people think that we, as writers, have mastery of the language, we should use it with perfection and it’s totally understandable.

But does bad grammar really mean writing?

Let me tell you this upfront. The answer is no. Bad grammar doesn’t directly translate to bad writing. Having an impeccable grammar doesn’t also imply great writing. For me, there are a lot of factors that contribute to the greatness of a writer, and having a perfect grasp of the language falls at the bottom of the list.
To me, here are the important components that make a great writer:

An Open Heart for a Good Story

Do you think J.K. Rowling became famous for using highfalutin words? Or did John Green rise into fame because he speaks and writes in fluent English?

If you think the answer to these questions is yes, then you’re on the wrong track, buddy.

What made J.K. Rowling, John Green, and Harper Lee famous is not how well their subjects agree with their verbs. The secret behind the fame of these writers is the story they were able to tell us. These writers wrote, in the simplest way possible, great stories that we will also let our kids and grandkids know.

If you want to write, you should have something to write. To be a storyteller is to have some story to tell.

If you want to start your writing career, start with opening your heart and mind to good stories. By this, I don’t mean that you should think of the story that should change literature. No. That’s a far-fetched idea. What I want you to do is to let the stories come to you.

• Be imaginative and look at each individual as a story waiting to be told.
• Be observant. Look beyond the skin.
• Create your own world, live in it as if it exists in reality.

Aside from having a solid story to write on, you should always remember that the characters you create should always be as real as possible. Creating characters that readers identify to breath, move, feel and exist as they do will make your story more solid. Make them more human, more flawed.
Remember that the best characters are the ones closest to life. If you create highly-intelligent, good-looking and gay-ish vampires, I suggest you change your perspective.

A Unique Way of Telling Your Story

This is also one of the foundations of writing. Having a one-of-a-kind way to tell what you see, hear, smell, taste or feel your story makes you a better writer. This is where writing style comes in. As a writer, you should develop your own way of letting your readers understand whatever you are telling them.

Writing style generally is how you use words to form sweet music. It’s a writer’s way of arranging the notes placing them within the musical staff and producing something remarkable.
Ask yourself, how would you tell your story?

• Would I tell it like I’m telling a story to kids?
• Will I be witty? Or serious?
• Is the way I tell stories hint darkness? Or shall I tell the story lightly?

These are just the few questions that you may ask yourself in order to determine how will you tell the story.

I’m just blabbering words, but to tell you frankly, this stage in your writing career is not easy. Choosing a style is like choosing your attitude. You pick one and it stays with you for a while. The most difficult thing is, people will identify you with the choice you made. So pick carefully.

Case in point: It took me around two years to finally fit into the writing style I am using now. Back then, I had this very serious approach in writing (probably because I read a lot of encyclopedias when I was young). That changed when I started to read novels again. Slowly, the totality of the writers I read became me.

How would I develop my own writing style?

• Read
• Read
• Read a little more
• and more
• While reading, try to write. You can start by writing on a journal. Notice how your writing style changes as time passes.

And this is where good grammar comes in. Of all the three priorities I have in writing, grammar comes in last.

Why Grammar Might be Hindering You to Be a Better Writer

I can’t be a writer because my grammar is terrible.

Most of the people I encourage to start taking writing seriously give me this excuse. Terrible grammar is often the greatest hindrance to falling in love with writing. Somehow, these young minds feel inhibited by their fear of being wrong. I understand their reasons, however, I don’t necessarily tolerate it.
Sometimes, worrying about grammar stops you from becoming a better writer in a manner that you become scared to take your pen and start scribbling words. Often, this inhibition kills those brilliant ideas waiting to be forged in ink and paper.
My advice: write whatever you want to write. William Forrester is right, the first step to writing is to write. Not to think. You should write the idea as soon as you could. Look at the words you created, imagine and write. Sometimes, thinking too much prevents you from writing  good stories.
Come out of the shell. Start writing now. Who knows, the next J.K. Rowling might be you!

Don’t be misled. Good Grammar is Important Too.

You might be under the impression that grammar is not important at all. No, I don’t say that. What I’m trying to explain is that bad grammar does not mean bad writing. But having bad grammar doesn’t make you a good writer as well. My suggestion: write and then revise.

Poem - My True Mom

Can you see me?
Do you hear me laugh?
Do you know I love to write?

I read your poem the other day,
Guess what?
For the first time in 3 years I didn't cry.

I'm trying to keep smiling,
I'm trying to keep writing,
Are you proud of me?

I've finished four stories,
I have dreams of you


I miss you my true Mom.
I hope I've made you proud.

It's been 3 years Mom.

Poem - I Remember You

I miss you

As the days and years pass

I miss you

As the pain of grief softens

I miss you

As new memories are made

I miss you

As I smile and laugh

I miss you

Today and everyday

I miss you

Always and forever in my heart

Poem - A Mother's Love

Your warm eyes I catch gazing my way,
That sweet smile you give to me each day,
I will hold you close, and keep you near,
A mothers love will never disappear. 

Poem - Already Dead

Lonely and hurt, 

Broken I remain

Residing in hell,

living in pain

Masked by lies, 

I slowly fade away;

The nightmare I live with, 

each and every day

The meaning of it all, 

to which my mind attends

Has not one answer

that I fully comprehend

The bottom of my mind 

holds the answers which I call;

I keep reaching towards it 

in this never-ending fall

"Stay strong and keep going, 

it's never too late"...

No one seems to realize 

that it's not worth the wait

There's no such thing 

as help outside of your mind,

It's you against yourself, 

with your demons intertwined

It's a battle, hard fought,

but never to be won...

Either way you end up losing 

when it's all said and done

"Too late" came and passed

and, of me, nothing more

I wrote my own ending, 

and I shut my own door

"Live your life to its fullest"

that's what they all said,

But what's the point in trying 

when you're already dead?

3 Writing Motivational Tips

“Raven, I wanted to tell you that I’m finally finding time to write,” my friend, Trey, dropped me an email.

“Awesome!” I thought to myself. I knew he could do it.

3 Writing Motivational Tips

1. Get started. When you break your writing into bite size pieces of time, it’s easier to take the time.

2. Get back up. When you fall off your goal, don’t quit. Get back up and start over.

3. Go for the feeling. When you find it difficult to get started writing, reflect on the satisfaction and good feeling you’ll have afterwards.

How about you? Would you like to set some writing goals or develop a regular writing habit? If so, share your stories.

If you want to write a book, stories or memories, learn how to write or learn how to write better, you just got to practice and practice never give in, or give up.

Most of all, find time to write because the world needs to hear your unique voice and what you have to share. Go Write NOW

57 Reason You're Not a Writer (Yet)

Here’s a list of fairly random, and overlapping reasons why you’re not a writer.
If you find this is you, you need to learn the importance of believing in your calling and showing up every day to do what you were made to do: write. To help you with that, be sure to snatch Jeff Goin’s wildly popular book,

1. You label yourself “aspiring” and a “wannabe”.
2. You don’t take yourself seriously.
3. You don’t believe in yourself.
4. You care more about what people think about you.
5. You have let the fear of failing dominate.
6. You can’t commit to finishing a writing project.
7. You don’t take the time to write.
8. You’re not a reader.
9. You are constantly distracted by the internet.
10. You believe you just don’t have the talent.
11. You’re not willing to listen to constructive criticism of your writing.
12. You are not yet writing consistently.
13. You refuse to let the world see your work.
14. You wait for ideal conditions in which to work.
15. It’s hard for you to call yourself a writer.
16. You can’t focus on the blank page in front of you.
17. You compare yourself with others excessively.
18. You’re more motivated by money than you’re passion for writing.
19. You are not interested in people.
20. You let doubt keep you from writing, and/or finishing.
21. You believe just posting tweets all day makes you a writer.
22. You are impatient.
23. You spend more time talking, less time writing.
24. You dream more than you execute.
25. You write seeking fame and fortune.
26. You spend more time consuming than creating.
27. You’re easily distracted.
28. You give in to that little voice in your head that says “what if” or “but” all too often.
29. You rather play it safe than publish.
30. You just don’t do the hard work of sitting down and writing.
31. You don’t approach the work like a pro.
32. You’re not clear with what you want to accomplish.
33. You haven’t cultivated that attitude of curiosity.
34. You don’t seek to know the why behind the what.
35. You have not yet positioned yourself as an expert in your space.
36. You write more to impress.
37. You fail to plan and prepare accordingly.
38. You feel you have to get it right the first time.
39. You don’t approach life that failure is common. So the fear of failing stalls you.
40. You overanalyze everything, leading to complete writing paralysis.
41. You don’t seek feedback to improve your craft.
42. You give into that thought that you’re not good enough.
43. Checking twitter and facebook is more a habit than writing.
44. You write more in hopes of gaining attention.
45. You can’t stay committed to writing consistently.
46. It’s hard for you to switch off social media as you go to write.
47. You don’t seek out the rules of good writing.
48. You avoid criticism at all costs.
49. You write as if there is no deadline.
50. You avoid learning about the habits of other great writers.
51. You fail to create and stick to a realistic writing schedule.
52. You can’t shut off your internal editor and just write.
53. You don’t look at old writings seeking to improve them.
54. You rather write for pay than for the love of writing.
55. You fail to set goals and meet them.
56. You can’t stay focused on writing.
57. You’re reading this instead of writing...

Why Writers Write!

A lot of the people who check in here I know are writers. But some are not. Some are Internet surfers who stop by—one stop in their never-ending search for something they’re looking for. The Internet is like a vast sea of information, and everyone with a computer sails out into it, setting their coordinates for one destination or another. Once they get to where they’re going, they cast their nets out, and hope they can catch that elusive thing they’re looking for.

It may be an article about some subject they want to know more about. Or a piece of music they want to hear, or a You Tube clip they want to watch, or the address of someone from their past. Everybody’s out there, tapping their keyboards, surfing the Internet. Searching. I picture millions of surfers out there, right now at this very minute, millions of people casting their nets into the information ocean, all searching for something. All hoping that the next click of the mouse they’re going to find it.

It’s the same with writers. People think that writers know more than the average person. That they have some special knowledge to impart to the world, and that’s why they write. People think most writers are experts on whatever it is they’re writing about. It may be true that a writer may have more first hand personal knowledge of a subject. Like Hemingway knew about bull fighting. And Fitzgerald knew about life among the rich. “The rich are very different from you and me.” J. D. Salinger, hermit/writer, knew the pain of adolescence and the insanity of the world and how it can drive a sensitive person insane.

They know their subjects, these writers. Ray Bradbury remembered his childhood, the good and the bad, and echoes of it can be heard in everything he ever wrote. George Orwell knew the oppression of the mind that comes with totalitarianism. Aldous Huxley saw the society of the future as a place where humans were “decanted” and the population was controlled not by brain washing, but by drugs and entertainment. These writers knew their subjects well too. Or did they?

Somehow, I wonder. Somehow, I can almost picture them sitting at their typewriters (a keyboard of an antiquated type) sailing out at the midnight hour, surfing, not into an electronic sea of data, but into the sea of their own imaginations. They felt close to their subjects, they had a feeling for it, but to find a way to express it—that was what they spent their lives trying to learn. Every sentence, every word was a search. A search that sometimes took them to some strange places–some to drink, some to suicide, some to a life with little human contact. But in each of them the need for the search was stronger than the need even to live.

They may have written about bullfights, or tragic heroes, or colonies on Mars, but those were only the visible, comprehensible forms of something deeper that they were all searching for and trying to express. But what was it really? Something they may have occasionally only glimpsed, something that always retreated back into the dark distance the closer they got to it. Whatever they wrote, whatever the final product, it never fully satisfied. Never really came close. But they tried to get it down, as best they could. That’s what a writer does.

And so you’re out there right now, sitting at your keyboard, reading these words on your computer screen. Trying to understand what it means. Trying to see if it has any meaning in particular for you. Maybe. Maybe not. Whatever it is, it’s all part of the Search.

In Loving Memory

When I look to the heavens above,
Somehow I feel you near.
I think of how much I love you,
And to me still so dear.

You were an angel sent to earth
To fill our hearts with love
A Forever Kind of Angel
Sent from heaven above.

We didn't know you'd leave so soon
That God for you would send.
An angel would hold you in His arms,
And heaven with you ascend.

Uncomplaining and courageous,

You smiled through all the tears.
So much faith and understanding,
Proclaimed throughout the years.

I'm thankful for the time we had

For time we'll have again.
Together we will be once more
But only God knows when.

Until I see you once again,

I'll hold you in my heart
The sweet memories of my angel,
From me will never part.

How to Publish a Book: 7 Tips From the Pros

1. Write the best manuscript that you possibly can

Don’t just come up with a great idea—spend time executing that idea by writing, editing, rewriting, editing and rewriting again. Find a group to workshop your novel with, whether it be in person or online. Book publishing starts with a great manuscript.

2. Write a dynamite query letter

Whether you’re pitching to an agent or directly to a publisher, you can’t just write “publish my book because it’s awesome.” You have to do your homework, researching literary agencies and book publishing companies, and craft a query letter that targets the specific person you’re trying to get to say “yes” to your book.

3. Prepare for rejection—it’s part of the game

Nearly all writers get rejected. J.K. Rowling got rejected several times before someone took a gamble on Harry Potter. Kathryn Stockett, author of The Help, was rejected 60 times before finding someone to publish her future bestseller. Getting rejected is just part of the getting-a-book-published process. Use it less as a springboard for depression and more as motivation to work harder.

4. Build a Platform

Get on Twitter and Facebook and Pinterest. Write a blog. Do anything you can to try to build an audience on your own. Most How-to-Get-a-Book-Published guides leave out the cold-hard truth: Agents and Publishers give extra weight to writers who have a built-in following. If you want to publish a book, you should be doing anything you can to do help your own cause—and building a platform (of any size) is something you can do.

5. Understand how the publishing process works

In this age of the Internet, it feels like everything flows at lightening speed. The publishing industry, though, still runs at a slightly slower pace. Publishers know how to publish a novel and follow a specific process from acquisitions editors to the editorial staff to design staff to marketing managers and more (all of which is explained in the free download at the top of this page!) To get your book published, familiarize yourself with how the publishing process works. It can only help you.

6. Continue to learn throughout the process

After you submit your query letter out to agents and editors doesn’t mean you have to stop learning. Read up on writing a book proposal, synopsis and anything else that can help you on the business side of things. Read blogs about how to get a novel published and ones that interview literary agents. Stay ahead of the curve.

7. Continue to write

While you are waiting for that phone call from a book publishing company saying, “We want to publish your book!” continue to do what you do best—which is write. Write your second novel. Write a collection of short stories. Heck, learn how to write book reviews and support other writers on Amazon and Barnes and Noble. The publishing process is a patience and determination game, so it’s key to fill up the downtime time with the thing you love most. Always keep that in mind.

(Copied from Writer Digest)

Day One - July Camp NaNo

I have been fighting for my stories I wanted to write this month during Camp NaNo. I was fighting with three different stories I wanted to write. I have been battling over these stories. I finally plotted out and began my story this morning at 10:30am. It's now 12:30pm in the afternoon and I'm 1500 words into my story. I think this story is going to be a good one. I have no faith in my writing at the moment. I have no faith in my abilities in writing a complete manuscript. I have wrote four to five stories. This is my fifth one. I have delete complete manuscripts.

I have four complete ones. This is my fifth. I want to complete this story. It is a good storyline and I think it'll appeal to a lot of middle graders/young adults out there. It's a fun read I think. I will post a outline to my story below. I just hope my word goal isn't too high. With my right hand slowly recovering from Carpel Tunnel Surgery. I got it out of stitches on Friday. I just not allowed to use it too much.

Outline:
Lincoln's parents have a huge fight when his mother having an abortion. The thing was the baby  wasn't Lincoln's dad's child. He watches and overhears the argument between his mother and father. He watches his mother leaving the house after giving his father her keys to the house. Lincoln watches his dad fall apart and re-coup. He learns that just because his mother left they have stopped loving him and his siblings.

His mother re-marries to a man with children. His dad slowly gets into dating and find the right woman who also is a widow with young hildren. Lincoln learns to adapt to having step-siblings. He tries to manage with the new life his parents have given him to deal with.

Song - The Rose

Music

"The Rose"

Some say love, it is a river
That drowns the tender reed.
Some say love, it is a razor
That leaves your soul to bleed.
Some say love, it is a hunger,
An endless aching need.
I say love, it is a flower,
And you its only seed.

It's the heart afraid of breaking
That never learns to dance.
It's the dream afraid of waking
That never takes the chance.
It's the one who won't be taken,
Who cannot seem to give,
And the soul afraid of dyin'
That never learns to live.

When the night has been too lonely
And the road has been too long,
And you think that love is only
For the lucky and the strong,
Just remember in the winter
Far beneath the bitter snows
Lies the seed that with the sun's love
In the spring becomes the rose.

 

This is sung by Bette Midler and Westlife. It touches your heart and soul if you read the words. Letting it light your world.  Westlife is a Irish Pop boy band. I love this group and their songs. Go to Youtube.com and listen to some of their songs.

Poem - SAcars

Every scar on my body has a story of pain, hurt and emotion,
Knowing that the only thing that will get me through everyday,
Is picking up that razor blade and slicing all the pain away,

not just once, but numerous times,Deeper and deeper every time just to make sure I'm still alive, escaping to a place for hours sometimes days

My body starts to turn numb I can't no longer feel, all the pain i hold inside seems to be going away,I feel as though I no longer belong here I don't even know Who I have become I don't know who I am anymore, I just want to feel a little normal

Poem - Forever

How do you love when you have been so hurt?
When your feelings are thrown out, into the dirt.

How do you regain the power to remain as you once did.
When you wish to erase the past, so you can seal the lid.

What makes a man go silent in the darkness of his mind.
Who can save that soul, no clues, lost, not easy to find.

Take that empty space that you created for yourself inside your soul.
Ask yourself a thousand questions always ending with,
"what will make me whole".

Is alcohol the answer to life when things start to go bad.
Do you take drugs to escape, reminiscing of things you had.

So there you were standing in front of a soul so lost.
You put your heart on the line, for love what a cost.

You sacrificed the things just to feel something for someone new.
But this bond between us so strong, it only grew.

I wrap my arms around the wound on your soulful skin.
You wrap me in, you can feel my emotions wearing thin.

My tears were waterfalls for a love I didn't want to lose.
We fought harsh, on opposing teams, creating a stem of blues.

Ah but these emotions, they fight for you until this day still.
The fight never stops, with my love it is you I want to fill.

My emotions are lost somewhere, out there in space.
With time they will come down, back into their place.

This part of me still caring, still wanting you more than ever.
Its killing me inside, because I want you for me, forever.

Poem - Lonely

Its 2 a.m in the morning.
I still awake remembering you and me.
Memories still flowing.
And I'm here still overthinking.

I am lonely without you here.
Its feel whole world is upside down.
I regret what i did before.
And now i just simply lonely.

Camp NaNo - Progress - Day 6

It's been six days since Camp-NaNo started. I got off track since I was terribly ill yesterday. I need to catch my word count up big time. I think the story I'm writing is going to be a big sell in the stores. I am working on editing my first story while I'm writing my fifth. I have been writing and researching this story for two years now. It's in memory of my deceased mother-in-law. She was more of a mother/mom to me than my own mother was.

I think she will be reading this story as I write it up in heaven. She told me like my father-in-law says I'm an excellent writer. It makes me proud to write this story in honor of her kindness and love for me and caring for what I loved to do. She is so special, even though she is up in heaven. I believe she is min my heart and up there cheering me on as I write my stories.

Megan Chronicles - One More River to Cross (book 1)

Megan mother died of cancer. She watched at her mother's bedside as she died. Megan just a mere eleven years of age. She is alone for the first time in her life. A couple from Indiana, America come to the reading of the will. It says Juliette, Megan's mother leaves custody of her daughter to her best friend from their college years.

Now Megan has to leave the only place she's called home to move across the ocean to live in a foreign country with a slightly different language. She learns she gets to be the only girl in a family filled with four boys, both older and younger than her. She tries to fit in, but her language becomes a barrier at times. She feels left out and alone. 

She makes friends slowly with a group at school. She also starts to go to church. Her mother wasn't a church goer. Her new home they are catholic and she becomes one. She begins to believe in  God and Jesus. She goes to classes and has her first communion. She studies the bible and learns that God is there for her. She accepts and goes through the grieving process as she begins to want to call her new family and call them mom and dad along with the four brothers she gains.

Poem - Tired of Trying

Show him death
Show him pain
Show him what it's like
When blood rains

Show him hurt
Show him the life I've lead
Show him the scars
And the blood I've bled

Show him the knife
I dragged across my skin
Show him it gets worse
That his pain has yet to begin

Show him how it feels
How it feels to die
To feel worthless
Like you can no longer try

Tell him how it all goes down
Tell him how it ends
Tell him how easily
Flesh and bones bend

Tell him how it feels
To have your heart ripped out
Tell him that this
Is what life is about

Make him see the blood
Flowing across the floor
Make him feel what it's like
To not want to try anymore

Make him see this girl
Who's broken and dying
Please God make him see
I'm so tired of trying

Poem - Does Anyone Care

I'm here
your there
I'm just wondering
does anyone care

things happen
love, dispair
just thinking to myself
does anyone care

I loved once
I used to be there
so i wonder
does anybody care

I lose myself
nothing else
makes me wonder
does any one care

I've let my self out
I have my doubt
just wondering
does anyone care

Twenty Sighs You've Been Reading Too Much YA

I read a lot of Young Adult, both for work and fun. I love it. I mean, I love me some good YA. (Not that anyone would ever admit to loving bad anything, but you know what I mean.) And there is some great YA out there.

However, every so often, I’ll realize that I haven’t had an adult book in my reading history in a while, and I’ll notice it because my thought patterns start to get weird.

1. You get in an argument with your significant other. Instead of talking it over, you update your Facebook status with: “I knew YOU were trouble when you walked in – TS. SO TRUE!”

2. Two of your friends hung out and forgot to ask if you wanted to come. You realize you can never speak to those skanks again.

3. You make eye contact with a handsome stranger on the train. If he gets off at your stop, he is totes your future boyfriend. Duh.

4. Your parents don’t love your new boyfriend, BUT DOESN’T MATTER BECAUSE YOU WILL DIE BEFORE YOU LET HIM GO.

5. You’re seriously considering setting up a SnapChat account.

6. You’ve quit asking anyone for help because you are independent and you can handle anything! And everyone is probably busy, so you don’t want to bother them any way. They’d just think you were annoying.

7. You’re thinking that a makeover might actually change your life.

8. That asshole you met at a party? They’re just misunderstood. You can totally change them. You understand.

9. You are very, very concerned with finding the love of your life.

10. You’re thinking about changing your name to Aerith. Or Llynia. Or Kaden. Or Tomás.

11. You’re worried that your friends are more frenemies than besties and are trying to kill you with kindness. All motives are suspect.

12. You’re pretty sure that America’s going to be a dystopia in your lifetime, so you’re thinking about taking up archery.

13. You’ve somehow found yourself at the center of a huge government conspiracy. (Though it’s possible that maybe your internet is just not working.)

14. You’re deliberately using unnecessary shorthand in texting á la: “U coming 2 my party 2nite?” (Also, you are having house parties.)

15. Or you’re just speaking in hashtags. #YOLO #Blessed #Etc

16. Some jerk crossed you and now it is time to create the most elaborate form of revenge ever. Probably in the form of public embarrassment. Will definitely involve pictures of said jerk in underwear posted to [insert social network here].

17. You keep waking up naked without any recollection of the previous night. You’re pretty sure you’re a werewolf. Or drinking too much.

18. You’re still pissed off that no one sent you your goddamn letter to Hogwarts.

19. You’ve started shipping people in real life. Subway Conductor x Angry Commuter = OTP4Lyfe.

20. You know that you are the most special, most amazing, most unique person in the world. You are the Chosen One.

This came from  Book Riot

Poem - As You Always Said

You think it's so easy for the impulse
to ignore you, for them to let you win,
to fight the feeling of being yellow
yet again. Only they tell you to let
them win this one so you can have
the next, they say you need to take it
easy and just imagine what it's like
to stop time, stand still and have
the world at your feet.

They test you at the hands of fate,
and make it sound so simple to give
your power away, but Baby, don't
give in to their tragic little lullaby,
you're so beautiful, our precious angel
from more than just the sky.

I try to write about you, but
it's so hard, when you toss
my words in the trash and
say that it's all a lie.

Somebody does care
about you, they want you
to have the very best.
There's at least one person
out there willing to give
you their all and someday
you'll see that, or I'll die
in vain. Because Sweetheart,

you deserve
so much better
than this.

Poem - Honesty

To be honest with you
I don't have the words
To make you feel better
But i do have the arms
to give you a hug
Ears to listen to whatever
you want to talk about
And i have a heart
A heart thats aching
To see you smile

Poem - Faking It

Crying in the rain
After living through pain
I scream for release
From all kept inside
Tears mix with raindrops
So no one knows
How I really feel

Fake smile plastered
And the fakest laugh I have ever heard
Seem to content the whole world
I say I'm ok but am I
Who am I and who is she
What in life is real

Watching the pain melt away
With one cut through the day
To keep me content
And store my tears for another day

Poem - Freeing Myself From Pain

Picking up the blade
To bring me back to life
Using this knife
Freedom is close
After this cutting dose
Watching blood slowly drip away
I need to feel someway
Before I give up to death
And never take a look back

Poem - My Darkest Day

It all started with a simple workout
then from there is was down hill
i started a fight
that just not right

drunk in my own sadness
i go to her for comfort
but all i find

them in my bed
now they are so dead

but sitting here with a bottle
and this sharp knife
i'm thinking what happen to my life
i wanted make it stop

now with this knife to my neck
i see i'm a wreck
these cuts & bruising remains
what do i have left to gain?

Poem - Broken

Broken

 Her eyes blurred gray like the sky just before it storms.
Her smile like a broken window in an old dusty bar.
Her heart like a stone in the ocean. With no where to go but down.

Story five - Broken

This is my fifth novel. I think writing this novel is going to be tough and hard for me. Writing my stories are based on my childhood and the things I went through as a child. I find that writing these stories are helping or will help those teenagers out there who are going through the same thing I went through as a child. I never had book s like I write when I was young and a teenager myself. I'm glad that in future there will be children and teenagers who will learn they aren't alone in this world of abusive families.

The Storyline of Broken:
Since his dad walked out on them. His mother has be a workaholic and not wanting to be home. Aiden finds he isn't wanted. When his mother is home she is spitful and hurtful with her words and actions against him. It's like without his dad around he is her target. At first the words are harmless. Then when she loses her job, she takes it out on him. He is her target for all her emotions. Refused food at meal times, locked outside at night when it storms. Beaten when the house isn't tidy. He is the one she targets and not his sisters. It's like he has to try and survive somehow.

He figures out to find his dad and why he left. His dad David left to be with his partner. He works and his partner is a friendly person. They too don't want him. They want to see his sisters, but his mother refuses it. He is under attack by everyone. Nobody seems to want him around. He decides to run away. His school friend finds out what life at home was like for Aiden. John Lester keeps his secrets until he finds Aiden had run off. He talks to the GC at school and they invovle the social services and they find Aiden and he gets put into the system. His sisters are also taken and put in the custody of their father.