NaNoWriMo - National Writing Month

National Writing Month - also known as NaNoWriMo

I have to writ 50,000 words in a the month. You don't win prizes, just win. the feeling that you can finish a book in a complete month. I have done this is four months so far. It has helped me have courage with my courage. I love writing and being disabled. I can't do much outside the apartments right now. All I know I learned to percevere to do my best. I love writing, both stories, poetry and want to learn to do screen plays one day.

New Goals - 3 Year Goals

Yesterday I got it into my mind I had to rethink the characters, their names (few of them) and also what P.O.V. to write in. I did all that in four hours. I also outlined the story again. It felt like it was going to be hard writing it.

I sat down in my writer's corner at 3:45pm and by 6:25pm I had finished chapter one and began chapter two. I wrote 3580 words in that time. I felt it was awesome to be able to feel like writing. I had this newish laptop. I got from my bro-in-law. He even put office 2007 for me. all I have is office 2003. So now it's flowing good and I love writing.

Pacer is one of our cats. She is a tuxedo cat. She sat behind my laptop screen and fell asleep. She is there right now as I typing this. I feel she is with me in my writing. I think she'll be the best writing buddy I ever had. Still going to keep writing this story.

The story is called - Courage to Weather the Storm. It's a good story in my book. I think I'll get it finished by 1st January if I can. I also planning to write my other stories by 1st October 2018. I need all the luck in the world and prayers so I can do this. It's a lofty goal, but I can do this if I focus and work hard on the stories to rewrite them. 

Poem - How Many Times

How many times will the demons take over
How many times do i have to chase them till it's over
How many times do i have to die inside
Till i finally can get pace
How many times can my heart be broken into pieces.. before it gives in.. and the demons take over

Poem - Forever Broken

Every single statement they make
echoes through my heart,
reminding me of just how little
I will always be worth.

My feelings are always on the run,
trying to find the safest place to hide
on this train track of my life.

Secrets from the dark
come trespassing through,
always weighing on me
as I am barely hanging on.

Every single statement they make
echoes through my heart,
reminding me that I am forever broken -
never to be healed.

Poem - Mask

I was once sad and lonely,
Having nobody to comfort me,
So I wore a mask that always smiled;
To hide my feelings behind a lie.

Before long, I had many friends;
With my mask, I was one of them.
But deep inside, I still felt empty,
Like I was missing a part of me.

Nobody could hear my cries at night
For I designed my mask to hide the lies.
Nobody could see the pain I was feeling
For I designed my mask to be laughing.

Behind all the smiles were the tears
And behind all the comfort were the fears.
Everything you think you see,
Wasn't everything there was to me.

Day by day,
I was slowly dying.
I couldn't go on,
There was something missing..

Until now I'm still searching
For the thing that'll stop my crying.
For someone who'll erase my fears,
For the person who'll wipe my tears.

But till then I'll keep on smiling.
Hiding behind this mask I'm wearing.
Hoping one day I can smile,
Till then, I'll be here.. waiting.

Poem - Daddy Why?

You were my dad that I once knew
But little do you know the pain you put me through
I've grown up and realized
That your life is nothing but one thousand lies
You say that you love me more than I know
But if that were true then why doesn't it show?
I know you have her
And you love her, I'm sure
But don't forget I'm in your blood too
But obviously that doesn't mean anything to you
I remember when I was the twinkle in my daddy's eyes
Then he left one day without saying good-bye
You say mom's standing in the way
And all she wants is for you to pay
Maybe that's true
But what can I do?
I'm your daughter
And you're supposed to be my father
Does that mean anything to you?
But that you'll never see
And a father you will never be
If you could see the tears running down my face
Still the years have passed you can't replace
So, dad I've given up on you and this time I'll leave.
From this day forward I'll just call you Ernie.

New Project - Story (Life of Jennifer O'Brien - Book 1 Rainbows Way)

I have been writing this story for five day now. Two of those days I didn't get any writing done I'm at 11, 650 words right now. I love writing this story. I just love writing my stories. I lost all my worldly writing on my laptop as it died. I lost five novels I'd written on my laptop. I have a close friend trying to get those files if they can. The mother board is fried so I'm told.

Outline
Jennifer's mother was dying of terminal cancer that chemotherapy and surgery was not going to cure. She was told by her mother that they were going to travel to America so Jennifer's godparents will look after her when her mother id gone. She hated the fact to leave the friends and family she knew to go somewhere she didn't know. She found out from her grandmother she was born in Reading, Indiana. She refused to help her mother pack there things and travel to America.

Without any further ado, Jennifer found herself on a plane to Indianapolis, Indiana. The journey to
Indianapolis was a tiring eight and a half hours of flying. Once they landed in Indianapolis International Airport. Jennifer met Liz Mason, her godmother. She slowly watches her mother slowly dying of cancer that was growing at a fast rate. Her mother got social services to allow the Mason's to adopt her daughter so she would have a family once she was gone.

After her mother's funeral Jennifer found it hard to even be around people. Jenni would not talk to her new friends, the Mason clan or anyone else come to that. She refused to eat anything. All she did was drink water or kool-aid. it was her only way of living for almost three weeks. She totally refused to put any kind of food into her mouth. Liz and John Mason took Jennifer to see a therapist. Soon the therapist got Jennifer into hospital for five days. The hospital got Jennifer to eat finally. Then she was discharged.

She was home with the Mason family. They tried their best to shower Jennifer with all kinds of love and affection. The boys began helping Jennifer adapt to living full-time with them as their sister. The boys also got her to go regularly to church and school. She began flourishing in school with her work improving immensely. Jennifer got better grades in school at Holy Grace, than when she was in school in England. Se always loved the sports teams she was on and made a lot of new friends and became best friends with Tessa Kensley. They became inseparable and her best thing to do was play basketball.

Soon Jennifer had everyone calling her Jenni and not Jennifer. She become a good role model for other girls who was a result of a child who had a parent die of cancer or another terminal illness. She slowly warmed to calling John Dad. She began slowly with Liz. She called her Ma'am not Mum. She felt if she did she would be betraying  her Mum if she called Liz Mum.

Writing Tips for the novice

When you are a writer, you hear over and over again the important job of the first line: to draw your reader into your story. The first line is a “hook” to grab the reader. But another important aspect of the first line is when it grabs you as a writer.

One way to fire up your imagination? Creative writing exercises focused on the first line of a story. Below is an arbitrary list of first lines for you to use to hone your storytelling and writing skills. Any of the following lines can be used to begin a novel, short story, or even an essay or non-fiction piece. Choose one and let your imagination loose!

Write the one that interests you most at the top of the page and then start writing. Now write the one that interests you the least and do the same. There are 31 here, enough to keep you writing for an entire month. (These are in 1^st person, but feel free to change them into 2^nd or 3^rd person.)

1. I can’t help it. I lie. All the time.
2. When I found out there would be a supermoon in two nights, I began making my plans.
3. I turned to see who was following me.
4. I’ve never done anything like this, but I was about to be thrown out of college and was desperate for money…
5. The day I decided to get my tattoo…
6. I had always thought the people who were paid to watch me were stupid, but this was beyond belief.
7. I wish I could take back that moment, at the fortune-teller’s table…
8. Anytime you want to meet someone over the internet, take my advice. Don’t.
9. It’s bad enough that I have the boss from hell, but this profession sucks the life from my soul, especially today.
10. 10. The first thing that went through my head was “she’s a witch!” from that Monty Python movie.
11. Manipulating people is so easy I almost stopped doing it. Almost.
12. This was the last thing I expected.
13. When he suggested I should run for office, I laughed. Then I considered it. After all…
14. I was fascinated by the history of my house.
15. This building smelled like a hospital, but it was not a place anyone would leave alive.
16. I’d always wondered what would happen when I opened that door.
17. The day I died began as an ordinary day.
18. The moon has always called to me…
19. Everyone thinks I’m normal, but no one has ever seen me at midnight.
20. As I sit down to write this, I imagine what you will think when you open the envelope…
21. Watching for the delivery truck became my obsession. I couldn’t wait for the package to come; I’d never ordered anything like it before.
22. Never a dull moment when you’re a taxi driver. Just the other day this guy gets in…
23. This might seem like it’s about me, but it’s not.
24. If I hadn’t looked out the window at that exact moment and watched it happen with my own eyes, I would never have believed it.
25. Sometimes it’s best not to go home again.
26. I wasn’t allowed to do this. But I couldn’t resist.
27. I never should have started it, but I had no idea I would cause such trouble.
28. When I woke, I didn’t know where I was.
29. The moment I realized what I was reading, I knew I was as good as dead.
30. I’d never imagined I could kill somebody.
31. After she’d told me it was “high time” I knew my family legacy, my grandmother turned, pulled the box from the closet and handed it to me.

Poem - You Are to Blame

You are the cause
You are my pain
You are the reason
I'm going insane

I hate you dearly
My soul will ache
As long as I know
That you're awake

You've made me weak
You forced me to lie
You are the reason
Why I still cry

You've ruined my life
It's all your fault
I cannot escape
Your deadly assault

I'm haunted by you
And your twisted soul
Your hate stricken mind
holds a selfish control

I wish for your death
To be painful and slow
I wish for the day
You go down below

I want you to suffer
For all that you've done
My sadness was born
The day you begun

Everything you know
Everything you touch
has been destroyed
By your evil clutch

I place this on you
This is your blame
There's no one else
This is your shame

You deserve the worst
May you never be free
At least I'm not selfish
Because you are me....

Camp NaNoWriMo Update

It's been a tough time writing this Camp NaNoWriMo. I think it's due to not being motivated and not being able to progress with my story. I think it might help if I got out and wrote somewhere else. I think maybe in time I can finish this story by 30th July. I know I want to move forward and finish this WIP. I just not sure I have the inspiration or motivation right now. It's just I am not getting tit to flow the last few days. I got to chapter 3.

I got a word count is - 4,613 words thus far. I know I got to reach 25000 by 30th July. That is my goal.If I do not move forward I will be letting myself down, plus I will be telling myself I haven't got the gift any longer to write these storie4s I have inside my head. I get the idea, but nothing more. I hate when it gets this hard to write. I feel so alive and free when I'm writing. Right now feeling so depressed because I'm not getting the chapter started.

I feeling  that I need help getting chapter 3 off the ground. the other two chapters came out right after the 4th July. Now it's  the 11th July and I'm stuck in a rut right now. I need to get this back on track. If only I had my partner out here helping me. They are great at inspiring me with my stories. I have written 4 novel this far. One in my first year. The others three were November NaNoWriMo winners. If only I could get this going again would be fantastic.

Just need someone to give me a good starting point for chapter 3. Need help....

Three Line that will help yo write better

Just as you would approach an agent or editor you should try to wrap up your idea in a paragraph. Here are some points you can consider:

1. You need a title. Write your working title in big letters at the top of the page. You can even make a mock-up of your cover. It’s inspirational.
2. Who, what and why? You need a character, start with them and the inciting moment. The inciting moment gives you a goal and that conflict will give you an antagonist.
3. When, where and how? If you are writing sci-fi or historical fiction, this question becomes even more important, but you should pick a moment in time and then tell me how all of this is going to happen.

Consider this:

[Character’s name] + [inciting moment] + [story goal] leads to [intriguing question]

For example: Paint It Black by Janet Fitch

Josie’s boyfriend commits suicide. She wants to find out why, but that means dealing with his crazy controlling mother. Should Josie let herself be lured into a life of riches by the woman who destroyed the man she loved?

In short ask yourself, who wants to do what and why? Then print it out, stick it to your wall and when in doubt go back and ask yourself if you are answering the question.

so you want to be a writer?

so you want to be a writer?

Charles Bukowski, 1920 – 1994
 
if it doesn’t come bursting out of you
in spite of everything,
don’t do it.
unless it comes unasked out of your
heart and your mind and your mouth
and your gut,
don’t do it.

if you have to sit for hours
staring at your computer screen
or hunched over your
typewriter
searching for words,
don’t do it.

if you’re doing it for money or
fame,
don’t do it.

if you’re doing it because you want
women in your bed,
don’t do it.

if you have to sit there and
rewrite it again and again,
don’t do it.

if it’s hard work just thinking about doing it,
don’t do it.

if you’re trying to write like somebody
else,
forget about it.

if you have to wait for it to roar out of
you,
then wait patiently.
if it never does roar out of you,
do something else.

if you first have to read it to your wife
or your girlfriend or your boyfriend
or your parents or to anybody at all,
you’re not ready.

don’t be like so many writers,
don’t be like so many thousands of
people who call themselves writers,
don’t be dull and boring and
pretentious, don’t be consumed with self-
love.
the libraries of the world have
yawned themselves to
sleep
over your kind.
don’t add to that.
don’t do it.

unless it comes out of
your soul like a rocket,
unless being still would
drive you to madness or
suicide or murder,
don’t do it.

unless the sun inside you is
burning your gut,
don’t do it.

when it is truly time,
and if you have been chosen,
it will do it by
itself and it will keep on doing it
until you die or it dies in you.
there is no other way.
and there never was.

Camp NaNo - July 2015

This morning I decided to get working on my new story idea I've been pondering for a while. It's a transgender story with sci-fi elements to it. This is the first sci-fi story I've ever attempted to write. I love Star Trek, Star Wars and a few other sci-fi books and movies. I also love Stargate, Babylon 5. to name just a few. I want to make this story a great one. I am going to attempt this story with an open mind. I'm transgender too. So this is going to be an eye opener.

The title so far is called Forgotten Rebels. It's theme is transgender, dysfuctional family fiction too.

Outline:
Ambitious, sporty and butch. Danielle was known to her friends as the  butch lesbian. She knew this wasn't her true self. She was confused and felt so alone in her life. Every time she looked in the mirror she saw something that she couldn't understand. It wasn't her looking back it as a short, spiky haired boy looking at her. Not her at all. She knew she was different, but this was confusing her beyond belief.

Danni went to her parents to ask about taking her to a gender therapist. They refused and told  her she was a girl. Danni was fourteen and in high school. She knew who she was. She wasn't the girl she struggled to be, but a boy trapped inside her female body. She got her parents together and told them she was going to run away if they didn't listen to her. She knew she had to get away from them. She ran to the woods where she found a portal. It was glowing bright blue and green. the colors where twirling into each other. She put her hand into it and felt someone grab it. They tried to pull her into the portal. She pulled back as hard as she could. She was yanked through the portal.

Danni saw the three boys who had pulled her into the portal. She was now confused to where she was. nothing looked the same. The town was different somehow. it was like Hythe, not the Hythe she knew. She knew she was in a different world. This is her story from girl into boy in a matter of seconds.

Excerpt:

It was a cold blustery night in December. The rain was coming down in bucket loads. It was like God’s bath was badly overflowing. With Danni researching names he wanted to be know as. He was going to come out to his parents once he picked the right time and with his younger sisters tucked up snug in their beds. This was the time to tell his parents who he truly was. No more hiding under a bushel.

Slowly Danni walked into the living room were his parents were cuddling on the couch watching Dirty Dancing. It was Mom’s favorite movie of all time. Just as Danni walked into the room, he could see it was his only chance to become the boy they should have been born as. The time was now. Whether it was the right time or not, Danni had to tell them his plans for the rest of their life.

Slowly he stood in front of the TV screen, blocking them from seeing the movie. It would make them pause it while he came out. Not sure of their reaction to his news. Also what he’d picked as his boy name. “Mom, Dad I got something important to discuss with you.” His Dad hit the pause button on the remote. Danni knew what he was about to say. “Yes this is the right time. It’s very important” Danni told them.

“Danielle what is it? Hurry as this is the best part.” Danni hated being called Danielle. It wasn’t their right name in their book.

“Mom, Dad, I’m a transgender person. It means I was born into the wrong body. Don’t worry, I printed out some things I found on the internet that best explains what I am and what I am going to do to right the birth defect.” Danni explained to them as he handed out what he’d printed off the internet. “No Mom it isn’t a phase at all. I want you to refer to me as Marquis, or Mark. I research and know my grandfather was also named Marquis. I’ll have a middle name of David. So I’ll be Marquis David Foxx.” Mark was finished talking. He waited on his parents to listen and help him change, or would they disown him for this?

Poem - What is This

What is this?
What is this numbness I feel?
What is this emptiness filling me within?

I feel nothing
I used to be able to ignore this
I used to be able to act as if nothing was wrong

I can't anymore

I can't do this
I can't act as if nothing is wrong anymore
I can't hide it

This is too much

I can't handle this
I don't know how
For how am I supposed to deal when the cause is unknown?

Used to, music would pull me out of this numb state
But not even now

Nothing helps now

Poem - This Feeling

I hate this feeling.. the feeling before it all breaks down and i burst into tears, it's hard always trying your best to keep your head up, all these nightmares.. all this time alone.. it makes me go crazy, i don't know if i can go on like this for much longer.

It's so hard.. harder then i could ever imagine, it feels like I'm drowning. Get pulled deeper down till i can't see the light anymore and I'm chained to the bottom, I'm drowning, slowly dying and no one is there to save me.. no one knows.. no one cares.

A smile on my face, my head up high, it looks like you can't break me.. But I'm already broken, to broken to be fixed and still you can't see the real side of me