Monday, September 28, 2015

Poem - How Many Times

How many times will the demons take over
How many times do i have to chase them till it's over
How many times do i have to die inside
Till i finally can get pace
How many times can my heart be broken into pieces.. before it gives in.. and the demons take over

Poem - Forever Broken

Every single statement they make
echoes through my heart,
reminding me of just how little
I will always be worth.

My feelings are always on the run,
trying to find the safest place to hide
on this train track of my life.

Secrets from the dark
come trespassing through,
always weighing on me
as I am barely hanging on.

Every single statement they make
echoes through my heart,
reminding me that I am forever broken -
never to be healed.

Poem - Mask

I was once sad and lonely,
Having nobody to comfort me,
So I wore a mask that always smiled;
To hide my feelings behind a lie.

Before long, I had many friends;
With my mask, I was one of them.
But deep inside, I still felt empty,
Like I was missing a part of me.

Nobody could hear my cries at night
For I designed my mask to hide the lies.
Nobody could see the pain I was feeling
For I designed my mask to be laughing.

Behind all the smiles were the tears
And behind all the comfort were the fears.
Everything you think you see,
Wasn't everything there was to me.

Day by day,
I was slowly dying.
I couldn't go on,
There was something missing..

Until now I'm still searching
For the thing that'll stop my crying.
For someone who'll erase my fears,
For the person who'll wipe my tears.

But till then I'll keep on smiling.
Hiding behind this mask I'm wearing.
Hoping one day I can smile,
Till then, I'll be here.. waiting.

Poem - Daddy Why?

You were my dad that I once knew
But little do you know the pain you put me through
I've grown up and realized
That your life is nothing but one thousand lies
You say that you love me more than I know
But if that were true then why doesn't it show?
I know you have her
And you love her, I'm sure
But don't forget I'm in your blood too
But obviously that doesn't mean anything to you
I remember when I was the twinkle in my daddy's eyes
Then he left one day without saying good-bye
You say mom's standing in the way
And all she wants is for you to pay
Maybe that's true
But what can I do?
I'm your daughter
And you're supposed to be my father
Does that mean anything to you?
But that you'll never see
And a father you will never be
If you could see the tears running down my face
Still the years have passed you can't replace
So, dad I've given up on you and this time I'll leave.
From this day forward I'll just call you Ernie.

Thursday, September 24, 2015

New Project - Story (Life of Jennifer O'Brien - Book 1 Rainbows Way)

I have been writing this story for five day now. Two of those days I didn't get any writing done I'm at 11, 650 words right now. I love writing this story. I just love writing my stories. I lost all my worldly writing on my laptop as it died. I lost five novels I'd written on my laptop. I have a close friend trying to get those files if they can. The mother board is fried so I'm told.

Jennifer's mother was dying of terminal cancer that chemotherapy and surgery was not going to cure. She was told by her mother that they were going to travel to America so Jennifer's godparents will look after her when her mother id gone. She hated the fact to leave the friends and family she knew to go somewhere she didn't know. She found out from her grandmother she was born in Reading, Indiana. She refused to help her mother pack there things and travel to America.

Without any further ado, Jennifer found herself on a plane to Indianapolis, Indiana. The journey to
Indianapolis was a tiring eight and a half hours of flying. Once they landed in Indianapolis International Airport. Jennifer met Liz Mason, her godmother. She slowly watches her mother slowly dying of cancer that was growing at a fast rate. Her mother got social services to allow the Mason's to adopt her daughter so she would have a family once she was gone.

After her mother's funeral Jennifer found it hard to even be around people. Jenni would not talk to her new friends, the Mason clan or anyone else come to that. She refused to eat anything. All she did was drink water or kool-aid. it was her only way of living for almost three weeks. She totally refused to put any kind of food into her mouth. Liz and John Mason took Jennifer to see a therapist. Soon the therapist got Jennifer into hospital for five days. The hospital got Jennifer to eat finally. Then she was discharged.

She was home with the Mason family. They tried their best to shower Jennifer with all kinds of love and affection. The boys began helping Jennifer adapt to living full-time with them as their sister. The boys also got her to go regularly to church and school. She began flourishing in school with her work improving immensely. Jennifer got better grades in school at Holy Grace, than when she was in school in England. Se always loved the sports teams she was on and made a lot of new friends and became best friends with Tessa Kensley. They became inseparable and her best thing to do was play basketball.

Soon Jennifer had everyone calling her Jenni and not Jennifer. She become a good role model for other girls who was a result of a child who had a parent die of cancer or another terminal illness. She slowly warmed to calling John Dad. She began slowly with Liz. She called her Ma'am not Mum. She felt if she did she would be betraying  her Mum if she called Liz Mum.