A tear dropped.
I tumbled to my knees.
My face skyward.
Looking at the stars above me.
I thought clearly.
"How could you do this? How could you take her from me?"
My heart ached.
I gasped for breath.
The words rang in my ear, repeating over and over again.
"She's gone.....her fight..wasn't strong enough."
Questions on the tip of my tonge.
Why her? Why now? What did I do to deserve such pain?
Memories of us together flashed by my eyes.
One straight after another.
Tears were bleeding down my face.
I remembered times when she held my hand told me everything would be alright. We could fight this world together. We could be scared together. We would be together forever.
I could see the sky darken.
Clouds tumbling in.
It didn't sprinkle it poured.
It poured just like my tears poured down my face.
I looked down.
Below my foot was a sharp jagged rock.
I picked it up.
I touched it to my skin. Amemory so vivid. Past by my eyes.
She was leaning in close. She held my hand close to hers face and whispered "Promise me that no matter what happens. No matter what the future holds for us. You will never harm yourself. You wont ever take such a risk with your life again."
I remembered the tender beautiful kindness in her eyes.
The love.
I bowed my head close to her ear and whispered "I promise. No matter what happens."
The memory gone.
I looked toward the sky again.
Soaked from the rain.
I whispered "I promise"
Another hot tear skidded down my face.
The rock dropped and forgotten about.
I wept.
Knowing I could never brake such a promise.
Knowing I had to fight......Alone.
Friday, December 30, 2011
Poem - I love you
You don't know
You can't see
What really goes on
Inside of me
My eyes shield
How I feel inside
You don't know
How much I've cried
My mouth restricts
What I'd really say
And make you think
I'm perfectly okay
I know you tried
You mean well
But I have things
I'd never tell
To truly laugh
To really smile
Is something I haven't
Done in a while
You'll never know
How I really feel
I don't know how long
It will take to heal.
Just know that
I still love you
After everything
That I've been through.
You'll never see
Inside my mind
I'm protecting you
From what you'd find.
I protect you because
I love you so much.
This is my pain
You'll never know
You can't see
What really goes on
Inside of me
My eyes shield
How I feel inside
You don't know
How much I've cried
My mouth restricts
What I'd really say
And make you think
I'm perfectly okay
I know you tried
You mean well
But I have things
I'd never tell
To truly laugh
To really smile
Is something I haven't
Done in a while
You'll never know
How I really feel
I don't know how long
It will take to heal.
Just know that
I still love you
After everything
That I've been through.
You'll never see
Inside my mind
I'm protecting you
From what you'd find.
I protect you because
I love you so much.
This is my pain
You'll never know
Poem - Till Death Us Do Part
I'll never deceive you,cheat or lie.
It,s just not in me to be such a guy.
The promise i make is to take care of you.
To give you all things in my power to.
A life full of happiness love and more love.
It will appear it,s like from heaven above.
I want to make this a heaven on earth.
And give you everything i am worth.
You are the object of my desire.
And of you i will never tire.
Everyday until your last breath.
I will carry on loving you till my own death.
It,s just not in me to be such a guy.
The promise i make is to take care of you.
To give you all things in my power to.
A life full of happiness love and more love.
It will appear it,s like from heaven above.
I want to make this a heaven on earth.
And give you everything i am worth.
You are the object of my desire.
And of you i will never tire.
Everyday until your last breath.
I will carry on loving you till my own death.
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
Choosing Character Names
This morning I have been toying with the thoughts on how I go about choosing names for my characters. I found that you have to choose the right first and last name that suits the characters. My protagonist has to have the right name, to suit their personality and who they are and what they are about to achieve in the story. Sometimes I struggle if I don't have the right name that suits the type of character the protagonist is and will do during the story.
I usually write christian stories about the main character is aged between 11 - 15 years old. Plus they are mostly male characters for the most part. I just love writing with my main character is male, even though I'm female myself. I just feel I can justify the feelings, thoughts and emotions. I guess it's because I'm so tomboyish in nature.
Sometimes I have to write with my main character is female, but not often. Just going with the feeling and knowing what my character wants to do, become or accomplish within the story. Remember to think a lot about what emotional, psychical and behavioural components in the build of the character. Make sure you make the right choices for each character in the story. Never just do it hap hazardously. Just think of who the character is, what they'll accomplish and also their friends and family. Make sure each component of a character is well thought out and will fit into the right places in the story you're about to write.
I usually write christian stories about the main character is aged between 11 - 15 years old. Plus they are mostly male characters for the most part. I just love writing with my main character is male, even though I'm female myself. I just feel I can justify the feelings, thoughts and emotions. I guess it's because I'm so tomboyish in nature.
Sometimes I have to write with my main character is female, but not often. Just going with the feeling and knowing what my character wants to do, become or accomplish within the story. Remember to think a lot about what emotional, psychical and behavioural components in the build of the character. Make sure you make the right choices for each character in the story. Never just do it hap hazardously. Just think of who the character is, what they'll accomplish and also their friends and family. Make sure each component of a character is well thought out and will fit into the right places in the story you're about to write.
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
Goals for 2012
I have decided to begin the new year with some important goals I've set myself for the year 2012. I think if you set goals, you can slowly or as quickly as you feel meet those goals. It is hard to be a writer, but when you set yourself goals and a agenda for the things you'd like to accomplish.
Yancy hates it when his mother tells him they have to move. He knows he has to be mature boy and assist his mother in moving to Indianapolis. Starting a new school and new church. Trying to blend into the community as he is dark skinned and mostly a lot of mixed raced people around. But because he is a geek/nerd finds it hard to fit in.
After being in the new place, hiss father appears at their new home. This is something he isn't ready for. He left a few months before Sanjay was born. He is the only one out of him and his sister to remember their father. His father is married and with a woman who has twin boys. Both boys are his father's.
Yancy struggles with the fact his dad wants to raise his half brothers, but not be with them. The thoughts of making sure he never hurts his mother or siblings. He is hard hearted and makes every moment to ruin his father life whenever he can.
Slowly he learns that he has to accept that his father and mother don't love each other. He learns that it's hard to be around his father and the family he knows has. Plus he has to let his sister and brother learn that truth about their father. Accepting that he can spend time with him, and also be loyal to his mother.
- Finish third story
- Edit both finished manuscripts
- Start a daily writing goals
- Write 500-1,500 words a day
Not sure when or if I can do these, but I intend to try my hardest to write daily, and work on these goals each month. Something inside is telling me to work hard, but enjoy the writing process. My partner and I are still writing our Christmas story. The thing is they keep not wanting to write on it. So I'm writing my other story that I'm working on.
Circle of Friends:
Yancy hates it when his mother tells him they have to move. He knows he has to be mature boy and assist his mother in moving to Indianapolis. Starting a new school and new church. Trying to blend into the community as he is dark skinned and mostly a lot of mixed raced people around. But because he is a geek/nerd finds it hard to fit in.
After being in the new place, hiss father appears at their new home. This is something he isn't ready for. He left a few months before Sanjay was born. He is the only one out of him and his sister to remember their father. His father is married and with a woman who has twin boys. Both boys are his father's.
Yancy struggles with the fact his dad wants to raise his half brothers, but not be with them. The thoughts of making sure he never hurts his mother or siblings. He is hard hearted and makes every moment to ruin his father life whenever he can.
Slowly he learns that he has to accept that his father and mother don't love each other. He learns that it's hard to be around his father and the family he knows has. Plus he has to let his sister and brother learn that truth about their father. Accepting that he can spend time with him, and also be loyal to his mother.
Thursday, December 22, 2011
Childhood + ? = Writing Career
I'm a member of a few writing groups on Yahoo Groups. As you can tell by the title of this blog it's my writing blog. I got the title of this post from a person who writes on a blog with many other writers. I thought to myself this is a good thing to post about. Just today has been rather mixed. My partner is having trouble health wise and I want to write on the story we are both doing this Christmas.
I have several projects I'm working on right now. The thing is how my childhood relates to my writing. When I was in England. I was born in Ireland, but raised by my family in the south east of England. My parents divorced when I was four. Mother blamed me for everything after that date for my father leaving, my grandfather and Uncle David for abusing me and my brother Ian. Mother never listened to us. So the abuse went on for years. Plus things like being locked outside during a thunder storm as a child and teen. Being refused food when the family was eating.
Anyhow, I was sent to boarding school on the south east coastline in Margate, Thanet, England. My boarding school was a few minutes from the lovely sandy beaches of Thanet. I made some good friends. Some taught me how to read as I couldn't at this stage. Taryn, Caroline, Nikki, Lorraine and Kerry became my best friends while in school.
Taryn would read my poetry and say I was a good writer. I found writing poetry was a way to express my emotions and thoughts I hid deeply inside. She showed my journal and poetry to our English teacher and Mrs Telfer said I had amazing talent. I never believed her. It also never stopped me writing. I was fifteen when I left school and had to live with my family.
Taryn would rescue me daily to spend time with her and we soon found we had a lot in common. Now she is in heaven with my Nana Lily. Plus my MIL Barbie is up there. She died last month. She was another one who told me I had talent. I have written a lot of poetry, dark depressing at times, but some light ones. I now written three novels, for MG/YA christian stories. I will keep writing till I am good at grammar and punctuation. I do need to improve them a little.
I hope one day, I can publish some poetry or one my novels. I just found since October 2005 I've been writing as a full time career move. I'm disabled and have many health issues. I write to relax and get emotions out. I just feel so alive when I write.
This is the reason I write, what is yours?
I have several projects I'm working on right now. The thing is how my childhood relates to my writing. When I was in England. I was born in Ireland, but raised by my family in the south east of England. My parents divorced when I was four. Mother blamed me for everything after that date for my father leaving, my grandfather and Uncle David for abusing me and my brother Ian. Mother never listened to us. So the abuse went on for years. Plus things like being locked outside during a thunder storm as a child and teen. Being refused food when the family was eating.
Anyhow, I was sent to boarding school on the south east coastline in Margate, Thanet, England. My boarding school was a few minutes from the lovely sandy beaches of Thanet. I made some good friends. Some taught me how to read as I couldn't at this stage. Taryn, Caroline, Nikki, Lorraine and Kerry became my best friends while in school.
Taryn would read my poetry and say I was a good writer. I found writing poetry was a way to express my emotions and thoughts I hid deeply inside. She showed my journal and poetry to our English teacher and Mrs Telfer said I had amazing talent. I never believed her. It also never stopped me writing. I was fifteen when I left school and had to live with my family.
Taryn would rescue me daily to spend time with her and we soon found we had a lot in common. Now she is in heaven with my Nana Lily. Plus my MIL Barbie is up there. She died last month. She was another one who told me I had talent. I have written a lot of poetry, dark depressing at times, but some light ones. I now written three novels, for MG/YA christian stories. I will keep writing till I am good at grammar and punctuation. I do need to improve them a little.
I hope one day, I can publish some poetry or one my novels. I just found since October 2005 I've been writing as a full time career move. I'm disabled and have many health issues. I write to relax and get emotions out. I just feel so alive when I write.
This is the reason I write, what is yours?
Friday, December 9, 2011
Re-writing a Story
I first began writing as a way to express myself. I wrote my first story in November of 2005. At this time I never knew about 'NaNaWriMo'. Now it's 2011 and I have completed two novels in two years. First 2010, then this year. But the very first story I wrote I want to rewrite due to learning more about the art of writing, plus improving my grammar and punctuation. I studied for my GED and took the test last year, but failed the English parts. I plan on studying again and taking the test to pass. Then I plan on going to school for creative writing. I'm also willing to learn by myself.
The story I wrote back then was 'Lisa Good or Bad?'. I have decided that story will be written, but better than my first attempt. But I also think I have studied and learned enough to improve my writing tenfold. I sure hope I come up with a better title to my story than what I have.
The story I wrote back then was 'Lisa Good or Bad?'. I have decided that story will be written, but better than my first attempt. But I also think I have studied and learned enough to improve my writing tenfold. I sure hope I come up with a better title to my story than what I have.
Friday, September 9, 2011
Show, don't tell
If it's a sermon your reader wants, there are churches to oblige.
What does it look like, sound like, feel like, taste like, smell like? When you describe a person or event, your reader is there with you. When you tell,the reader relaxes to the point of mental slumber.
Not sure of the difference?
Telling: John was sad after Susan broke up with him.
Reader: Yawn!
Showing: John shut his cell phone and leaned against the wall. He heaved a sigh and dropped his head into his hands.
Hear the reader's mind working:
"What's with John? Oh, I get it, he feels Susan let him down."
In nonfiction, details show, generalities or opinions tell.
Telling: Children are out of shape these days.
Reader: "I don't think that's true. My neighbor's kid plays Little League."
Showing: Forty percent of 5 to 8-year olds are obese.
The reader's mind kicks in:
"Wow! Children are out of shape these days!"
What does it look like, sound like, feel like, taste like, smell like? When you describe a person or event, your reader is there with you. When you tell,the reader relaxes to the point of mental slumber.
Not sure of the difference?
Telling: John was sad after Susan broke up with him.
Reader: Yawn!
Showing: John shut his cell phone and leaned against the wall. He heaved a sigh and dropped his head into his hands.
Hear the reader's mind working:
"What's with John? Oh, I get it, he feels Susan let him down."
In nonfiction, details show, generalities or opinions tell.
Telling: Children are out of shape these days.
Reader: "I don't think that's true. My neighbor's kid plays Little League."
Showing: Forty percent of 5 to 8-year olds are obese.
The reader's mind kicks in:
"Wow! Children are out of shape these days!"
Click the picture, it leads to were I got this information
Thursday, August 18, 2011
Top Ten Not Exactly - Guaranteed Methods of Combating Writers Block
1) Write every day
As long as grocery lists, notes to teachers, doodling done in meetings at work to keep you looking alert, checkbook notations, e-mail, IMs, and text messaging are included, we can all manage this one.
2) Schedule your writing
For full time writers, this is called "being awake." For most people "setting aside time each day when you can "sit quietly and write without distraction" is called "fantasy" or "over-medication."
3) Work on several writing projects simultaneously. If you get stuck on one, switch to another.
For those who work on deadlines this can be referred to as "unemployment" and for freelancers, the synonym might be "starvation." Just call up your editors and let them know you'll be working on a libretto for an operetta for a few days and that you will get right back their project as soon as you feel refreshed.
4) Keep a journal.
If you have a particularly interesting private life, make sure you include names, dates, evidence, and other pertinent entries. Eventually your journal can be used for extremely lucrative writing projects.
5) Read.
This way lies madness -- or at least distraction. I read much better than I write. Given the chance I would probably do only the former rather than the latter.
6) Freewriting/stream of consciousness writing/putting down whatever comes to mind.
Okay. I'm writing, no really it is typing, no really this is keyboarding - although "keyboard" originally just meant the mechanism for pianos and organs -- just anything that comes to mind right now. Look like the cat wants in but I don't want to stop the flow. That's right. These words just keep coming the phone's ringing...where was I oh yes, just streaming my consciousness...oh all right already, stop pawing the window, I'll let you in...
7) Get some physical exercise.
Another one we can all do, providing the definition of "exercise" is broad enough and sports like the upstairs/downstairs laundry run and grocery cart marathon, the copying machine squat-and-repair, and the desk chair rolling event are counted.
8) Relax.
Relax? Relax! I AM relaxed! How much more RELAXED do you want? This IS relaxed. For those of you not quite as naturally relaxed as I am, be careful how you attain this state. In the October 1987 issue of the "American Journal of Psychiatry", Nancy J. Andreasen, a professor of psychiatry at the University of Iowa with a PhD in English, published a 15-year study that found that 30 percent of the writers she studied were alcoholics, compared with seven percent in the comparison group of nonwriters.
9) Try writing in a totally different environment.
This, of course, assumes that you are either using a writing utensil and paper (maybe that notebook you are supposed to carry around at all times) or a laptop computer. I don't think moving your desk eight inches or shifting the angle of your screen counts as "totally different." For those of you who *do* go out to your local bistro or coffee shop to write, you can't always expect to be warmly welcomed day after day if you occupy a table for hours without buying anything.
10) Go out and observe people, note their mannerisms and listen to snippets of their conversation.
This is often combined with # 6 or #8, although I see great possibilities if combined with #4. Others may see these possibilities as well and your life could be endangered.
As long as grocery lists, notes to teachers, doodling done in meetings at work to keep you looking alert, checkbook notations, e-mail, IMs, and text messaging are included, we can all manage this one.
2) Schedule your writing
For full time writers, this is called "being awake." For most people "setting aside time each day when you can "sit quietly and write without distraction" is called "fantasy" or "over-medication."
3) Work on several writing projects simultaneously. If you get stuck on one, switch to another.
For those who work on deadlines this can be referred to as "unemployment" and for freelancers, the synonym might be "starvation." Just call up your editors and let them know you'll be working on a libretto for an operetta for a few days and that you will get right back their project as soon as you feel refreshed.
4) Keep a journal.
If you have a particularly interesting private life, make sure you include names, dates, evidence, and other pertinent entries. Eventually your journal can be used for extremely lucrative writing projects.
5) Read.
This way lies madness -- or at least distraction. I read much better than I write. Given the chance I would probably do only the former rather than the latter.
6) Freewriting/stream of consciousness writing/putting down whatever comes to mind.
Okay. I'm writing, no really it is typing, no really this is keyboarding - although "keyboard" originally just meant the mechanism for pianos and organs -- just anything that comes to mind right now. Look like the cat wants in but I don't want to stop the flow. That's right. These words just keep coming the phone's ringing...where was I oh yes, just streaming my consciousness...oh all right already, stop pawing the window, I'll let you in...
7) Get some physical exercise.
Another one we can all do, providing the definition of "exercise" is broad enough and sports like the upstairs/downstairs laundry run and grocery cart marathon, the copying machine squat-and-repair, and the desk chair rolling event are counted.
8) Relax.
Relax? Relax! I AM relaxed! How much more RELAXED do you want? This IS relaxed. For those of you not quite as naturally relaxed as I am, be careful how you attain this state. In the October 1987 issue of the "American Journal of Psychiatry", Nancy J. Andreasen, a professor of psychiatry at the University of Iowa with a PhD in English, published a 15-year study that found that 30 percent of the writers she studied were alcoholics, compared with seven percent in the comparison group of nonwriters.
9) Try writing in a totally different environment.
This, of course, assumes that you are either using a writing utensil and paper (maybe that notebook you are supposed to carry around at all times) or a laptop computer. I don't think moving your desk eight inches or shifting the angle of your screen counts as "totally different." For those of you who *do* go out to your local bistro or coffee shop to write, you can't always expect to be warmly welcomed day after day if you occupy a table for hours without buying anything.
10) Go out and observe people, note their mannerisms and listen to snippets of their conversation.
This is often combined with # 6 or #8, although I see great possibilities if combined with #4. Others may see these possibilities as well and your life could be endangered.
Click the pic for where this subject is from originally
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
Writing Time
I have been reading a lot of writing books. I wanted to get some advice about what I want to write and how to combat writers block. I found out that if I procrastinate I will never get anything done. I'm now writing whether or not I like what I write. It's called the writing gift. I know I have a gift from God. the gift of writing. I want to change the world. I think reading books about writing is alright. Also reading fiction stories aimed for YA(Young Adult) stories. You can read, but not try and copy your favorite authors. You should find your own voice and let your writing to fill your heart and mind.
I've started a story I'm going to dedicate to my MIL(Mother-in-Law). This story is based on real life and fiction. I hope I can get this finished and published so she can be proud of me. Plus I want to feel poroud of myself too. my MIL is someone who taught me that there are good people in this world that will love you no matter what. She told me she's proud of me due to getting citizenship. I passed my test and told me she was proud of me. This told me that she does love me. Also my partner and best friend is proud of me. I feel on top of the world. I hope people will like this story...
Storyline:
Raven is badly neglected and abused by several members of her family. She has never been shown love or affection. Reaching her eleventh year, she goes to school. Her friend reports that she has several bruises on her body while in the shower room after gym class. They report it to the gym teacher, who checks for herself. She escorts Raven to the headmaster's office and they call in the social services.
The social services want to put Raven into the foster care system. Raven is taken by her assigned social worker Cheryl Richards. He took Raven to the foster family he thought would work well for Raven. It took Cheryl three hours to drive from Boston to Blue Bell Hill. Stopping to have a meal on the journey. Cheryl sensed that Raven wouldn't eat much. He tried to get Raven to talk, but she remained quiet.
Cheryl took Raven to the McCoy family. They were going to be her foster family. It takes a long time for Raven to accept that the McCoy's are a nice family and slowly she gets to know the McCoy family. She soon learns that she has a family that shower her with love. After a year with the McCoy family, they adopt her.
I've started a story I'm going to dedicate to my MIL(Mother-in-Law). This story is based on real life and fiction. I hope I can get this finished and published so she can be proud of me. Plus I want to feel poroud of myself too. my MIL is someone who taught me that there are good people in this world that will love you no matter what. She told me she's proud of me due to getting citizenship. I passed my test and told me she was proud of me. This told me that she does love me. Also my partner and best friend is proud of me. I feel on top of the world. I hope people will like this story...
Storyline:
Raven is badly neglected and abused by several members of her family. She has never been shown love or affection. Reaching her eleventh year, she goes to school. Her friend reports that she has several bruises on her body while in the shower room after gym class. They report it to the gym teacher, who checks for herself. She escorts Raven to the headmaster's office and they call in the social services.
The social services want to put Raven into the foster care system. Raven is taken by her assigned social worker Cheryl Richards. He took Raven to the foster family he thought would work well for Raven. It took Cheryl three hours to drive from Boston to Blue Bell Hill. Stopping to have a meal on the journey. Cheryl sensed that Raven wouldn't eat much. He tried to get Raven to talk, but she remained quiet.
Cheryl took Raven to the McCoy family. They were going to be her foster family. It takes a long time for Raven to accept that the McCoy's are a nice family and slowly she gets to know the McCoy family. She soon learns that she has a family that shower her with love. After a year with the McCoy family, they adopt her.
Monday, August 15, 2011
Poem - The Masquerade of Me
Alone in a world where it seems
Impossible to be alone
Got a place to go
Just not one i would call home
But i guess im used to it
Nothing can describe what's inside
Not even lyrics can save me now
A feeling of emptiness
Has taken its place within me
But i guess im used to it
Having not a clue who i am
I fight to be what's right
I just never succeed
In being who i'm supposed to be
But i guess im used to it
I close my eyes and remember
When everything was right
But then i remember
There was never such a time
But i guess im used to it
The hurt and the pain
Runs down both my cheeks
The hurt and the pain
Drips from my wrists
But i guess im used to it
Dying sound nice
Lying to everyone
About everything
Just continues to get harder
But i guess im used to it
I guess i would to be
A good liar because
Everyone believes me
And my fake smiles
But i guess im used to it
Impossible to be alone
Got a place to go
Just not one i would call home
But i guess im used to it
Nothing can describe what's inside
Not even lyrics can save me now
A feeling of emptiness
Has taken its place within me
But i guess im used to it
Having not a clue who i am
I fight to be what's right
I just never succeed
In being who i'm supposed to be
But i guess im used to it
I close my eyes and remember
When everything was right
But then i remember
There was never such a time
But i guess im used to it
The hurt and the pain
Runs down both my cheeks
The hurt and the pain
Drips from my wrists
But i guess im used to it
Dying sound nice
Lying to everyone
About everything
Just continues to get harder
But i guess im used to it
I guess i would to be
A good liar because
Everyone believes me
And my fake smiles
But i guess im used to it
Poem - is it Over Yet
I'm tired of the darkness
I'm tired of the cold
i want it to end
i want to feel the sunshine
i want to feel it's warmth
I'm tired of the loneliness
I'm tired of the abandonment
i want to feel unending love
i want people to stay by my side
i want the ones that love me to never leave me
I'm tired of the pain
I'm tired of the tears
i want to be able to feel happiness
i want to be able to stay standing
i want to be able to smile
I'm tired of the hurting
I'm tired of the depression
i want to fix it all
i want to be put back together
i want to love again
I'm tired of the hatred
I'm tired of the disappointment
i want everything to be alright
i want this all to end
...i need this to end..
I'm tired of the cold
i want it to end
i want to feel the sunshine
i want to feel it's warmth
I'm tired of the loneliness
I'm tired of the abandonment
i want to feel unending love
i want people to stay by my side
i want the ones that love me to never leave me
I'm tired of the pain
I'm tired of the tears
i want to be able to feel happiness
i want to be able to stay standing
i want to be able to smile
I'm tired of the hurting
I'm tired of the depression
i want to fix it all
i want to be put back together
i want to love again
I'm tired of the hatred
I'm tired of the disappointment
i want everything to be alright
i want this all to end
...i need this to end..
Sunday, August 14, 2011
Poem - Ghosts of the Past
Labelled mentally unstable,
I'm just a normal woman
lost in the past mistakes.
Counselling in a room scares me,
my poetry holds the truth of my emotions,
writing is the only way I speak.
Your just testing my reactions,
It's you making me loose my sanity,
I'm far from crazy can't you see.
Wishing I was dead doesn't mean I'm suicidal,
that's what led me down this path,
labelled mentally unstable and clinically depressed.
Just a woman struggling with the ghosts of the past.
I'm just a normal woman
lost in the past mistakes.
Counselling in a room scares me,
my poetry holds the truth of my emotions,
writing is the only way I speak.
Your just testing my reactions,
It's you making me loose my sanity,
I'm far from crazy can't you see.
Wishing I was dead doesn't mean I'm suicidal,
that's what led me down this path,
labelled mentally unstable and clinically depressed.
Just a woman struggling with the ghosts of the past.
Poem - Fade to Black
I felt my happiness leave.
My life began to disappear.
I felt betrayed and lost.
I continuously lived in fear.
Abuse can do powerful things.
Especially to an innocent child.
I felt unloved and used.
The depression in me ran wild.
I made a make believe life.
Nothing was as it seemed.
I hoped what happened wasn't real.
I wished it was all a dream.
The walls I've built are solid.
It was up to me to protect myself.
All my hope was washed away.
I didn't know how to ask for help.
Now I feel like I've lost control.
I ran myself straight into the ground.
My life has fully faded to black.
To these demons I remain bound.
My life began to disappear.
I felt betrayed and lost.
I continuously lived in fear.
Abuse can do powerful things.
Especially to an innocent child.
I felt unloved and used.
The depression in me ran wild.
I made a make believe life.
Nothing was as it seemed.
I hoped what happened wasn't real.
I wished it was all a dream.
The walls I've built are solid.
It was up to me to protect myself.
All my hope was washed away.
I didn't know how to ask for help.
Now I feel like I've lost control.
I ran myself straight into the ground.
My life has fully faded to black.
To these demons I remain bound.
Poem - Suicide
Suicide,
ending your life,
have you ever thought bout it,
just saying goodbye,
and making yourself vanish from earth.
I have once upon a time,
slitting my wrists,
blowing my head off with a gun,
hanging myself,
overdosing on pills,
or maybe just purposely,
crashing a car to where i won't survive.
Not having to feel the pain anymore,
going to a place you feel safe,
to where no pain is felt,
only pure happiness,
I've always wanted to see,
the beautiful pearly gates of heaven,
but thats where your wrong,
suicide you go to hell.
Ending your life,
when you feel nothing is right,
depression consumes your life,
you can't smile,
you don't laugh,
shit you can't even fake it,
your so down in the blues.
That's when suicide crosses your mind,
you think,
maybe I'm better off dead,
nobody will miss me,
not like anybody cares anyways,
so you start to plan your death,
get the suicide letter ready,
tell everybody I Love You,
one last time.
Days later,
your ready to end your life,
you say I'm So Sorry,
out loud hoping someone can hear you,
but knowing they can't.
Whats your method,
a bottle of pills,
a bottle of jack,
you open the bottle,
throw them in your mouth,
chug the alcohol,
and say your last goodbyes.
Suicide,
an easy way out,
ending your life,
have you ever thought bout it,
just saying goodbye,
and making yourself vanish from earth.
ending your life,
have you ever thought bout it,
just saying goodbye,
and making yourself vanish from earth.
I have once upon a time,
slitting my wrists,
blowing my head off with a gun,
hanging myself,
overdosing on pills,
or maybe just purposely,
crashing a car to where i won't survive.
Not having to feel the pain anymore,
going to a place you feel safe,
to where no pain is felt,
only pure happiness,
I've always wanted to see,
the beautiful pearly gates of heaven,
but thats where your wrong,
suicide you go to hell.
Ending your life,
when you feel nothing is right,
depression consumes your life,
you can't smile,
you don't laugh,
shit you can't even fake it,
your so down in the blues.
That's when suicide crosses your mind,
you think,
maybe I'm better off dead,
nobody will miss me,
not like anybody cares anyways,
so you start to plan your death,
get the suicide letter ready,
tell everybody I Love You,
one last time.
Days later,
your ready to end your life,
you say I'm So Sorry,
out loud hoping someone can hear you,
but knowing they can't.
Whats your method,
a bottle of pills,
a bottle of jack,
you open the bottle,
throw them in your mouth,
chug the alcohol,
and say your last goodbyes.
Suicide,
an easy way out,
ending your life,
have you ever thought bout it,
just saying goodbye,
and making yourself vanish from earth.
Saturday, July 23, 2011
Getting through Writer's Block
I have been moved into our new apartment. Since moving here on 1st July. It's now 23rd July and this is the first time I have thought about getting to the writing process. But I only started to try and write my current story. I've tried to write, but it was rubbish. When I think my writing I total rubbish I would delete it and go and try again. This went on through the month till today. I thought I was blocked and would never write again. My partner works at the local library.
I love reading and I have done so all throughout this month. He brought some book home about writing he thought I'd love to read. He does this often. he knows what I love reading, when it comes down to nonfiction books. The current books I'm reading right now are Writing Down the Bones by Natalie Goldberg and A Novel Idea by a mixture of Christian writers. These books have given me insight to getting back onto my computer to write. I believe these books are insightful and have spoken to me. Spoken to my inner soul.
I decided after reading Writing down the Bones, I got that feeling. The feeling to get back onto the computer and begin writing through writers block. I began to write starting from scratch. The story I want to write is called Leap of Faith. I hope to be able to get this novel finished by the end of the year. My inner demons which were stopping me from writing. The demons that told me I wasn't going to be a writer I dreamed myself to be. With the support of church friends, family and my partner. I am trying to get back into the game and show what I can do.
I love reading and I have done so all throughout this month. He brought some book home about writing he thought I'd love to read. He does this often. he knows what I love reading, when it comes down to nonfiction books. The current books I'm reading right now are Writing Down the Bones by Natalie Goldberg and A Novel Idea by a mixture of Christian writers. These books have given me insight to getting back onto my computer to write. I believe these books are insightful and have spoken to me. Spoken to my inner soul.
I decided after reading Writing down the Bones, I got that feeling. The feeling to get back onto the computer and begin writing through writers block. I began to write starting from scratch. The story I want to write is called Leap of Faith. I hope to be able to get this novel finished by the end of the year. My inner demons which were stopping me from writing. The demons that told me I wasn't going to be a writer I dreamed myself to be. With the support of church friends, family and my partner. I am trying to get back into the game and show what I can do.
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Update - Damaged Goods
For the last week I have been trying to get this story to flow as well as I want. First draft of the first four chapters didn't read well. I prayed about it. I believe in praying each time I write. I found I wasn't writing the story true to me. I began re-writing it again. I did this for several times. Now I'm on Chapter Three and it's flowing like nothing. I love the way the story is going. I also believe God is giving me a helping hand on this story. It's flowing well and I have never written this well in such a long time. Maybe since last NaNoWriMo.
Friday, June 17, 2011
New Story - Damaged Goods
For the past month or so, I've been unable to write anything that resembled good writing. I prayed hard each day, but everything I tried to write turned out to be gibberish. I tried forcing myself to write and to create a good story. But nothing was working out. I thought I would never be able to write a story again. I wrote one novel last November with NaNoWriMo. I did it. That story flowed with ease and I wrote it so easily. I now took a break of about 30 to 35 days. I wrote nothing, no poems, no stories and I couldn't even write blog entries. I went cold turkey to speak.
Now after 30+ days without writing, I wrote over 4,000 words in just a couple of hours. I then thanked God for allowing me to write. It just flowed with ease, just with my November story from last year. I then told a friend who giggled and thought I was silly. I also told my partner and they were all for me and said well done. It was nice to know that they supported me in my writing. They are always supporting me in whatever I do with writing, studying and so forth. I also have online friends that support me. I will dedicate my first novel to my partner and my best friend in Massachusetts.
Now after 30+ days without writing, I wrote over 4,000 words in just a couple of hours. I then thanked God for allowing me to write. It just flowed with ease, just with my November story from last year. I then told a friend who giggled and thought I was silly. I also told my partner and they were all for me and said well done. It was nice to know that they supported me in my writing. They are always supporting me in whatever I do with writing, studying and so forth. I also have online friends that support me. I will dedicate my first novel to my partner and my best friend in Massachusetts.
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Poem - Friendship
Friendship - two people choosing each other for some mysterious reason through alchemy and circumstances.
On the surface, the reason to our choice seems obvious; they share our interests and they make us laugh.
Is there more to it than that? Do we ever stop and wonder why this person, not the others?
On the surface, the reason to our choice seems obvious; they share our interests and they make us laugh.
Is there more to it than that? Do we ever stop and wonder why this person, not the others?
Poem - Real Friends will Never Quit
Hey pal
You are a friend of mine
I do not want any from ya
Just friendship at all
We have no discrimination
We have no limit for races and religion
Just we make a friend for no reason
No reason at all
Even we could not see each other for long times
Do not forget to remember me
There is a saying
Real friends will never quit
So let me get some place inside your heart
And also same with you
You are a friend of mine
I do not want any from ya
Just friendship at all
We have no discrimination
We have no limit for races and religion
Just we make a friend for no reason
No reason at all
Even we could not see each other for long times
Do not forget to remember me
There is a saying
Real friends will never quit
So let me get some place inside your heart
And also same with you
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
Update - Leap of Faith(novel)
I have been working hard on my old story. I believe this is the story God is guiding me to write. I love that I can get this story told and out their for young adults to know that God is there for them. They just need to seek him and ask him into their lives as there Lord and Savior. I decided to write this yesterday and get this story down on paper. Well in word *giggles*.
This story I tried to write with a gay/lesbian character, but that wasn't in God eyes good. I have now changed this story a little. It now has christian believers to guide them to believe and have God in their heart. The Main character is 14yrs old and a Jehovah Witness. She has a catholic friend she spends the weekend with and they build their friendship on learning about God and what his plans are for the both of them having God and Christ as their true savior and belief.
This story I tried to write with a gay/lesbian character, but that wasn't in God eyes good. I have now changed this story a little. It now has christian believers to guide them to believe and have God in their heart. The Main character is 14yrs old and a Jehovah Witness. She has a catholic friend she spends the weekend with and they build their friendship on learning about God and what his plans are for the both of them having God and Christ as their true savior and belief.
Saturday, May 14, 2011
George Orwell: 6 Questions & 6 Rules
George Orwell has earned the right to be called one of the finer writers in the English language through such novels as 1984, Animal Farm, and Down and Out in Paris and London, and such essays as “Shooting an Elephant.”
Orwell expressed a strong dislike of totalitarian governments in his work, but he was also passionate defender of good writing. Thus, you may want to hear some of Orwell’s writing tips.*
A scrupulous writer, in every sentence that he writes, will ask himself at least four questions, thus:
What am I trying to say?
What words will express it?
What image or idiom will make it clearer?
Is this image fresh enough to have an effect?
And he will probably ask himself two more:
Could I put it more shortly?
Have I said anything that is avoidably ugly?
One can often be in doubt about the effect of a word or a phrase, and one needs rules that one can rely on when instinct fails. I think the following rules will cover most cases:
Never use a metaphor, simile, or other figure of speech which you are used to seeing in print.
Never use a long word where a short one will do.
If it is possible to cut a word out, always cut it out.
Never use the passive where you can use the active.
Never use a foreign phrase, a scientific word, or a jargon word if you can think of an everyday English equivalent.
Break any of these rules sooner than say anything outright barbarous.
Orwell expressed a strong dislike of totalitarian governments in his work, but he was also passionate defender of good writing. Thus, you may want to hear some of Orwell’s writing tips.*
A scrupulous writer, in every sentence that he writes, will ask himself at least four questions, thus:
What am I trying to say?
What words will express it?
What image or idiom will make it clearer?
Is this image fresh enough to have an effect?
And he will probably ask himself two more:
Could I put it more shortly?
Have I said anything that is avoidably ugly?
One can often be in doubt about the effect of a word or a phrase, and one needs rules that one can rely on when instinct fails. I think the following rules will cover most cases:
Never use a metaphor, simile, or other figure of speech which you are used to seeing in print.
Never use a long word where a short one will do.
If it is possible to cut a word out, always cut it out.
Never use the passive where you can use the active.
Never use a foreign phrase, a scientific word, or a jargon word if you can think of an everyday English equivalent.
Break any of these rules sooner than say anything outright barbarous.
Friday, May 13, 2011
New Story Idea
I was in church on last Sunday as I prayed for guidance with my gift for words. I wanted to make my second novel a great one. I haven’t had anything published right now, but I know God is in me and with me with the journey I’m having with my vocation for God. He gave me the talent to write. Now I am working on Courage to Weather the Storm. I have got 8,000+ words with it. I pray before I even write. I know God is with me when I’m writing.
I felt God spoke to me on Sunday and I was given a title for a story. The story was to be titled Leap of Faith. I have mapped the story out and below will be the storyline or plot as some call it. I’m different. Guess that is because I’m British, but living in America.
Plot:
It had been six years since her father died. Just after the funeral, Trinity’s mother changed churches and they got baptised and were now going to a baptist church. Trinity could barely remember their catholic church they went to when her father was alive. PLus they’d moved house and were now living in a nice house a two bedroomed. Trinity had to share her bedroom with her little sister which was a nightmare at times. Trinity’s sister Lizzy would leave the room in a complete mess, for Trinity to tidy up or they’d have her mother giving her hassle about the room.
Just as Trinity was turning thirteen, it was time she tried to find her self. She was struggling with so many issues in her life. He mom was dating again, which meant that she she to make sure her little brother and sister were good and she was always babysitting them. She feklt there was something misssing in her life. She felt a hole was missing in her heart. Like her church wasn’t the right now. She told her mother she wanted to stop going to church and her mother agreed.
Then out of the blue her mother told them she was going to marry a guy, but there was something Trinity didn’t like about him. He wasn’t a christian. She talked with her best friend who she’d known for the last six years. Trinity talked for hours with Robin. Robin taught her alittle about the catholic faith. Soon Trinity realized that her father was catholic and now with Robin being catholic she wanted to go to a catholic church.
Soon After she went to three masses with Robin’s family and she talked to the paster of the cathlic church and she wanted to join. As she was still classed as a minor and needed her mother’s permisson to join and become a catholic. This interested Trinity’s mother and she took all her family to All Saints Catholic Church. Soon within five weeks Trinity and her family were going to All Saints Catholic Church. Her mother signs up for RCIA, and Trinity and her younger siblings go to All Saints Catholic school, which is part of the All Saints Catholic Church.
At Holy Saturday, Trinity and her family are baptised into the catholic faith. Plus Trinity and her mom have their first communion.
I felt God spoke to me on Sunday and I was given a title for a story. The story was to be titled Leap of Faith. I have mapped the story out and below will be the storyline or plot as some call it. I’m different. Guess that is because I’m British, but living in America.
Plot:
It had been six years since her father died. Just after the funeral, Trinity’s mother changed churches and they got baptised and were now going to a baptist church. Trinity could barely remember their catholic church they went to when her father was alive. PLus they’d moved house and were now living in a nice house a two bedroomed. Trinity had to share her bedroom with her little sister which was a nightmare at times. Trinity’s sister Lizzy would leave the room in a complete mess, for Trinity to tidy up or they’d have her mother giving her hassle about the room.
Just as Trinity was turning thirteen, it was time she tried to find her self. She was struggling with so many issues in her life. He mom was dating again, which meant that she she to make sure her little brother and sister were good and she was always babysitting them. She feklt there was something misssing in her life. She felt a hole was missing in her heart. Like her church wasn’t the right now. She told her mother she wanted to stop going to church and her mother agreed.
Then out of the blue her mother told them she was going to marry a guy, but there was something Trinity didn’t like about him. He wasn’t a christian. She talked with her best friend who she’d known for the last six years. Trinity talked for hours with Robin. Robin taught her alittle about the catholic faith. Soon Trinity realized that her father was catholic and now with Robin being catholic she wanted to go to a catholic church.
Soon After she went to three masses with Robin’s family and she talked to the paster of the cathlic church and she wanted to join. As she was still classed as a minor and needed her mother’s permisson to join and become a catholic. This interested Trinity’s mother and she took all her family to All Saints Catholic Church. Soon within five weeks Trinity and her family were going to All Saints Catholic Church. Her mother signs up for RCIA, and Trinity and her younger siblings go to All Saints Catholic school, which is part of the All Saints Catholic Church.
At Holy Saturday, Trinity and her family are baptised into the catholic faith. Plus Trinity and her mom have their first communion.
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Poem - Tender Love
You're my forever after,
You hold the key into my heart.
I loved you since we first spoke -
which is from the very start..
All this seems so effortless,
To love you like I do..
I can't wait until that time -
When it's just me and you..
I love you..
You hold the key into my heart.
I loved you since we first spoke -
which is from the very start..
All this seems so effortless,
To love you like I do..
I can't wait until that time -
When it's just me and you..
I love you..
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
Update - Courage to Weather the Storm
For the last two days I've written a bout 4,500 words. I am liking the way my story is flowing and I believe that God is guiding me with his Holy Ghost/Spirit that is within me and guiding the words as I form this story. On Sunday I wrote 3,000 words. Yesterday I got 1,500 words written. I know this is the right story God wants me to write. It is flowing like pouring water over a plant.
My Goal for today is to write about 1,000 words at least or even more.
My Goal for today is to write about 1,000 words at least or even more.
Thursday, April 28, 2011
New Story - Courage to Weather the Storm
I have been struggling with my writing lately. I have tried to write a story I found out God doesn't want me to write that story right now. I have spent a lot of time in prayer the last couple of weeks as I was struggling with writing a story I thought would be a good story. But I heard a voice telling me to write my Courage to Weather the Storm story. I plotted the story this morning and it took me a lot of hard work, but it came quickly.
For me to write a story I plot it out, then work on the characters. First comes the names of each character. After that I detail the main characters. I use a character map to build for each character. It took me a few hours to build my characters. After the characters are built I'm ready to start writing.
Storyline:
After months of fighting and screaming matches, Rachel's mother walks out on the family. She moves in with Tom's best friend Jason and his two young children. Leah files for a divorce after she falling pregnant with Jason 's child. Rachel blames herself for the divorce, and her mother leaving the family. Rachel begins to punish herself for the divorce and split of her parents.
After a couple of months with her dad being sad and depressed. Rachel talks with her dad about why she blames herself for her mother leaving. Tom explains to Rachel it wasn't her fault and to stop punishing herself. This is when Tom starts living again. He gets out there and starts dating again. Rachel and her younger brothers find her dad's dating as a shock and they can't deal with his many girlfriends. Rachel does her hardest to stop her dad dating. She thinks the women her dad is dating will do what her mother did and leave them.
Slowly Tom explains to his children, especially his daughter that not all women are like her mother. Rachel realizes that her dad is free to be happy. Slowly Rachel learns to trust women from the main girl her dad dates is going to show her that not all women are like her mother. Her dad is always going to be there for her, but she learns to trust women again.
Finally her dad moves his girlfriend of three months into the house. Slowly Rachel and her brothers learns to trust her and they slowly make friends and they become a whole family again. Tom moves the family to a new house, in a new city and begin to live again.
For me to write a story I plot it out, then work on the characters. First comes the names of each character. After that I detail the main characters. I use a character map to build for each character. It took me a few hours to build my characters. After the characters are built I'm ready to start writing.
Storyline:
After months of fighting and screaming matches, Rachel's mother walks out on the family. She moves in with Tom's best friend Jason and his two young children. Leah files for a divorce after she falling pregnant with Jason 's child. Rachel blames herself for the divorce, and her mother leaving the family. Rachel begins to punish herself for the divorce and split of her parents.
After a couple of months with her dad being sad and depressed. Rachel talks with her dad about why she blames herself for her mother leaving. Tom explains to Rachel it wasn't her fault and to stop punishing herself. This is when Tom starts living again. He gets out there and starts dating again. Rachel and her younger brothers find her dad's dating as a shock and they can't deal with his many girlfriends. Rachel does her hardest to stop her dad dating. She thinks the women her dad is dating will do what her mother did and leave them.
Slowly Tom explains to his children, especially his daughter that not all women are like her mother. Rachel realizes that her dad is free to be happy. Slowly Rachel learns to trust women from the main girl her dad dates is going to show her that not all women are like her mother. Her dad is always going to be there for her, but she learns to trust women again.
Finally her dad moves his girlfriend of three months into the house. Slowly Rachel and her brothers learns to trust her and they slowly make friends and they become a whole family again. Tom moves the family to a new house, in a new city and begin to live again.
Saturday, April 23, 2011
Andrew Motion: Ten Techniques to Spark the Writing
10 Techniques to Spark the Writing
- Decide when in the day (or night) it best suits you to write, and organise your life accordingly.
- Think with your senses as well as your brain.
- Honour the miraculousness of the ordinary.
- Lock different characters/elements in a room and tell them to get on.
- Remember there is no such thing as nonsense.
- Bear in mind Wilde’s dictum that “only mediocrities develop”— and challenge it.
- Let your work stand before deciding whether or not to serve.
- Think big and stay particular.
- Write for tomorrow, not for today.
- Work hard.
Michael Morecock 10 Tips for Good Storytelling
1.My first rule was given to me by T.H. White, author of The Sword in the Stone and other Arthurian fantasies and was: Read. Read everything you can lay hands on. I always advise people who want to write a fantasy or science fiction or romance to stop reading everything in those genres and start reading everything else from Bunyan to Byatt.
2.Find an author you admire (mine was Conrad) and copy their plots and characters in order to tell your own story, just as people learn to draw and paint by copying the masters.
3.Introduce your main characters and themes in the first third of your novel.
4.If you are writing a plot-driven genre novel make sure all your major themes/plot elements are introduced in the first third, which you can call the introduction.
5.Develop your themes and characters in your second third, the development.
6.Resolve your themes, mysteries and so on in the final third, the resolution.
7.For a good melodrama study the famous “Lester Dent master plot formula” which you can find online. It was written to show how to write a short story for the pulps, but can be adapted successfully for most stories of any length or genre.
8.If possible have something going on while you have your characters delivering exposition or philosophising. This helps retain dramatic tension.
9.Carrot and stick—have protagonists pursued (by an obsession or a villain) and pursuing (idea, object, person, mystery).
10.Ignore all proferred rules and create your own, suitable for what you want to say.
2.Find an author you admire (mine was Conrad) and copy their plots and characters in order to tell your own story, just as people learn to draw and paint by copying the masters.
3.Introduce your main characters and themes in the first third of your novel.
4.If you are writing a plot-driven genre novel make sure all your major themes/plot elements are introduced in the first third, which you can call the introduction.
5.Develop your themes and characters in your second third, the development.
6.Resolve your themes, mysteries and so on in the final third, the resolution.
7.For a good melodrama study the famous “Lester Dent master plot formula” which you can find online. It was written to show how to write a short story for the pulps, but can be adapted successfully for most stories of any length or genre.
8.If possible have something going on while you have your characters delivering exposition or philosophising. This helps retain dramatic tension.
9.Carrot and stick—have protagonists pursued (by an obsession or a villain) and pursuing (idea, object, person, mystery).
10.Ignore all proferred rules and create your own, suitable for what you want to say.
Friday, April 22, 2011
Poem - At the Table
At the table the body was laid
Bread was broken and unto each it was partaken
Prophecies before were all but vague
But at the table they all made sense
At the table disciples got drunk
Not of the wine but of the blood
A powerful, redeeming blood
One that sets you free and makes you God's child
At the table it was all but vivid
That sinners would live and enjoy God's kingdom
eternally
All but at the table
At the table a convenant was made
Man would choose a path to a beautiful place,
And live like angels on a Summer Holiday
For at the table the blood was drunk and life was attained
Bread was broken and unto each it was partaken
Prophecies before were all but vague
But at the table they all made sense
At the table disciples got drunk
Not of the wine but of the blood
A powerful, redeeming blood
One that sets you free and makes you God's child
At the table it was all but vivid
That sinners would live and enjoy God's kingdom
eternally
All but at the table
At the table a convenant was made
Man would choose a path to a beautiful place,
And live like angels on a Summer Holiday
For at the table the blood was drunk and life was attained
Poem - letter to My Father
It's only been a year, but it feels like forever
A long, treacherous journey, where the roads go wherever
You've held my hand, the whole time, though, I've tried to break free
But Your ever-lasting grip won't seem to depart from me
Yeah, I've done all the dirty deeds, hoping that You weren't looking
I've mistaken you for a warden, even though I've done all of the booking
Yes, I've thrown, myself in "the slammer," forgetting that You have the keys
I guess I thought my crimes were too heinous, "surely, You could never pardon these."
You've been the perfect Father, yet I continue to be a delinquent
You keep telling me to mind, but I can't seem to be obedient
But what a sweet bargain I got when I chose to follow You
Love, protection, and promises that will never be broken in two
Yet, I hate to think about Your raw end of the deal
A spoiled brat with a closed heart, that relies on what it can feel
Day after day, I fail You, and I put Your glory to shame
And without hesitation, I continue to deny Your name
But You never seem to remember, after I've apologized
You even give me time to come to You, so that I will realize
That I need You, above all, and You will never leave
And if I'd just let You in, there would be nothing I couldn't achieve
But I'm so rebellious, that I forget, that I'm not an orphan
I have everything I could possibly imagine, and even more than
Fortunately, a "screw up" like me, can have such an awesome Father
With overflowing love like Yours, I know, now, why I'm Your daughter
A long, treacherous journey, where the roads go wherever
You've held my hand, the whole time, though, I've tried to break free
But Your ever-lasting grip won't seem to depart from me
Yeah, I've done all the dirty deeds, hoping that You weren't looking
I've mistaken you for a warden, even though I've done all of the booking
Yes, I've thrown, myself in "the slammer," forgetting that You have the keys
I guess I thought my crimes were too heinous, "surely, You could never pardon these."
You've been the perfect Father, yet I continue to be a delinquent
You keep telling me to mind, but I can't seem to be obedient
But what a sweet bargain I got when I chose to follow You
Love, protection, and promises that will never be broken in two
Yet, I hate to think about Your raw end of the deal
A spoiled brat with a closed heart, that relies on what it can feel
Day after day, I fail You, and I put Your glory to shame
And without hesitation, I continue to deny Your name
But You never seem to remember, after I've apologized
You even give me time to come to You, so that I will realize
That I need You, above all, and You will never leave
And if I'd just let You in, there would be nothing I couldn't achieve
But I'm so rebellious, that I forget, that I'm not an orphan
I have everything I could possibly imagine, and even more than
Fortunately, a "screw up" like me, can have such an awesome Father
With overflowing love like Yours, I know, now, why I'm Your daughter
Poem - Good Luck
A great day today, many things to do
A gift so sudden, a gift for you
its nothing special but hear what i say
that i enjoy you company every single day
remember to always eat your meals regularly
I'm sure u don't want feel pain so suddenly
try to sleep early cause its better for u
and always be patient in whatever you do
i know you're life is busy and i have no right to interfere
but I'm just reminding you with full of sincere
that I'm always around when you need someone
to lend a ear when you're feeling down
so keep on smiling and stay strong always
nothing suits you more than a smile on you're face
never keep things to your self because it'll hurt u
weird as it sounds, it hurts me too
Gd luck for your exams and i wish u well
i hope this gift of mine becomes your "passing spell"
one thing to remember is never lose faith
in yourself and the life that God gave.
Friday, April 15, 2011
Update - Having a Little Faith
Over the last few days, I've be trying to make each chapter perfect before moving onward. I'm learning I need to improve yes, but let the spirit move me to what I write. I love writing and right now it's sucking the fun out of it making it all perfect all the way through. I've been given some support and tips about writng and letting me work the whole way through the novel I'm writing and also thanking God for what talents he has given me through my writing.
Being a devote catholic, I love church and proclaiming God and Jesus as my Savior. This means that I need to let the Holy Spirit guide my fingers and letting them do the talking and hoping that this novel is going to be the best i can make it. I pray before I start writing. If I get stuck I pray and read the my bible. When I'm filled to the brim with the spirit I can write for hours and I get things done.
Over the last few days, I've written around 7,550 words and in three chapters. I feel that the spirit is guiding me and showing me what I need to use my talent for writing for. I'm truly blessed
Being a devote catholic, I love church and proclaiming God and Jesus as my Savior. This means that I need to let the Holy Spirit guide my fingers and letting them do the talking and hoping that this novel is going to be the best i can make it. I pray before I start writing. If I get stuck I pray and read the my bible. When I'm filled to the brim with the spirit I can write for hours and I get things done.
Over the last few days, I've written around 7,550 words and in three chapters. I feel that the spirit is guiding me and showing me what I need to use my talent for writing for. I'm truly blessed
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Rewriting - Having a Little Faith
I been praying a lot of the past week. I had a story that was going nowhere. I closed my eyes and quietly went into prayer. While in prayer I heard God talking to me. I can't quite explain it, but he told me to rewrite my current story and and change the gender of my main character. I was trying to write a story with the protagonist as male. But it was like I couldn't get it working and I was lost and had no inspiration. I force the words out, but they weren't flowing like they do when I write with a female protagonist. I had put all my strength and energy into my story, but I was stuck and nothing was happening.
After Sunday's mass, I came home and got onto my computer and pondered what had happened during mass. I knew he was trying to tell me to change the gender of my main character, my protagonist. I changed the gender and prayed for a name for my main character I got Madison Rachel Decker. I then changed the plot a little and began writing after getting my plot, and characters done. I always play out my stories. I got the tip from some friends.
Since Sunday I have wrote 4,430 words and my story is flowing slowly. I think this is what God was telling me to write. I believe he is teaching me to write. I was given a gift, a gift of words. Now I know that writing is my main passion and I love this gift I have. I'm always learning to improve my writing skills. I'm in a few yahoo writing groups and I have found one that I'm in is got people who are helping me improve my gift and look at the mistakes I make. I have even gotten someone who is editing my story. I'm thankful for these friends I've made in this group. I like them alot and they are very friendly.
After Sunday's mass, I came home and got onto my computer and pondered what had happened during mass. I knew he was trying to tell me to change the gender of my main character, my protagonist. I changed the gender and prayed for a name for my main character I got Madison Rachel Decker. I then changed the plot a little and began writing after getting my plot, and characters done. I always play out my stories. I got the tip from some friends.
Since Sunday I have wrote 4,430 words and my story is flowing slowly. I think this is what God was telling me to write. I believe he is teaching me to write. I was given a gift, a gift of words. Now I know that writing is my main passion and I love this gift I have. I'm always learning to improve my writing skills. I'm in a few yahoo writing groups and I have found one that I'm in is got people who are helping me improve my gift and look at the mistakes I make. I have even gotten someone who is editing my story. I'm thankful for these friends I've made in this group. I like them alot and they are very friendly.
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Tuesday Night
All day today I've been praying and reading scripture as I'm a devote catholic. I guess you can say I'm a good writer and I have a strong faith. I feel my writing is a gift from God. Today I have written about just over a 1,000 today. I love it when I'm inspired and can write. I love nothing better than sitting at my computer and letting the words flow out.
Over the last few days I have written about 5,000 words. This is a goal I set myself for each day. I make a plan for the day, and that is to try and write 1,000 or more. I know I have no formal education from a college or university. The thing is I am a self taught writer. I love the passion I can put into my writing and I'm glad I can show others I am intelligent and can write novels. I have written one novel and I'm working on my second. Healing the Wounds was finished in November last year. Now here I pledge to write Having a Little Faith as my second book.
Over the last few days I have written about 5,000 words. This is a goal I set myself for each day. I make a plan for the day, and that is to try and write 1,000 or more. I know I have no formal education from a college or university. The thing is I am a self taught writer. I love the passion I can put into my writing and I'm glad I can show others I am intelligent and can write novels. I have written one novel and I'm working on my second. Healing the Wounds was finished in November last year. Now here I pledge to write Having a Little Faith as my second book.
Friday, March 25, 2011
Weekend Work Schedule
All weekend I done nothing but write on my two favorite story-lines I've been writing this week. ON my Having a Little Faith is going good. I got stuck a little and my partner and muse helped me through the tough times. On my gay story I wrote over two thousand words in a short time on Friday. Yesterday I wrote almost thirteen hundred words on my Having a Little Faith. my Gay story is called Secrets Boys Hide.
I'm hoping I can finish these stories somewhat soon. I love writing and it lets me get my emotions and feeling onto paper so to speak. My partner is one my main sources of inspiration, along with my church girls. I hoping my gay story gets finished as I love reading gay stories, and want to try my hand at writing one.
I'm hoping I can finish these stories somewhat soon. I love writing and it lets me get my emotions and feeling onto paper so to speak. My partner is one my main sources of inspiration, along with my church girls. I hoping my gay story gets finished as I love reading gay stories, and want to try my hand at writing one.
Monday, March 21, 2011
Monday Evening Inspiration
Right now I'm writing two novels, which can be hard, but I'm finding it rather simple right now. First my second novel is about a young boy who loses his only loving guardian, his grandmother. His living aunt and uncle don't want him and he is put into the foster care system. A loving family foster him and teach him things he didn't believe were possible. He finally has a second chance at a loving home.
My third is about a young adult, aged sixteen who parents are fighting, and they decide to get a divorce and the main character is trying to cope with his mom gone, his dad finding a new partner and getting remarried. His father's new wife has two very young children and the main character is also fighting an inner battle about being catholic and gay.
While scanning my computer for viruses and other crap on this computer I began reading a book I got out the library and found it inspiring. That is what I've been doing most of the day. Writing my stories and reading tons. I believe to be a good writer, you have to read as much as you can. I love reading gay fiction and young adult fiction.
My third is about a young adult, aged sixteen who parents are fighting, and they decide to get a divorce and the main character is trying to cope with his mom gone, his dad finding a new partner and getting remarried. His father's new wife has two very young children and the main character is also fighting an inner battle about being catholic and gay.
While scanning my computer for viruses and other crap on this computer I began reading a book I got out the library and found it inspiring. That is what I've been doing most of the day. Writing my stories and reading tons. I believe to be a good writer, you have to read as much as you can. I love reading gay fiction and young adult fiction.
Thursday, March 10, 2011
New Story Itea - Bonds of Friendship
For the last few days, I have been working on a new story idea. If you want you can look at the page that give you a peek at the excerpt of this story. I have been writing non-stop for four days and I am on chapter three and 5,000+ right now. I have been working hard on writing this story. I believe that over the past few years, I have been getting better at writing and with my muse working with me, the stories are good.
I read my Holy Bible, then pray about getting some guidance, strength and let the power of God and the Holy Spirit to guide my mind, hands on writing the best story only I can write. I believe that if it was meant to be, I'll write well. If the story is wrong, that means that I'm writing the strong story for me right now. I believe God gave me the gift of writing I have to touch base with him first, before writing each day. Some days I can't write, but others I end up writing 1,000 to 2,000 words a day.
I read my Holy Bible, then pray about getting some guidance, strength and let the power of God and the Holy Spirit to guide my mind, hands on writing the best story only I can write. I believe that if it was meant to be, I'll write well. If the story is wrong, that means that I'm writing the strong story for me right now. I believe God gave me the gift of writing I have to touch base with him first, before writing each day. Some days I can't write, but others I end up writing 1,000 to 2,000 words a day.
Friday, February 25, 2011
Hitting 5,000 words
I have been getting the inspiration on writing o my current story. A Gift you Don't Have to Earn. I'm hitting the five thousand mark tonight. I am finding this story is flowing like water right now. I haven't written much today, but the last thirty minutes I've hit the five thousand mark, which I think is cool and great milestone. I guess I finally got inspired to get some words down. Even if I have only written about three hundred words, it something which is good.
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Update - A Gift You Don't Have to Earn
I have tried three time to rewrite this story. I have found that I have been forgetting to do two major things when I write. I should first read a scripture and pray about the scripture and my writing. I found 3rd time around is working well. I have done my prologue and now onto Chapter One. I knew this story is going to be hard to write, but it going to be a wonderful story to write. I love writing, and when I can't write I am depressed and at rock bottom for some unknown reason.
I wrote 1500 words yesterday, today I hoping on writing that same amount or close to it. I feel so alive and free from any worries when I write. I let my mind do the writing, but my hands do the typing. My partner is my muse. When they are working we email each other on their breaks at work. When they're home they inspire me to write at my best. Plus on Thursday our friend visits, which is awesome. I love J.K. and they are very insightful and good to run off things I'm thinking about writing about and I get some good vibes from him.
I wrote 1500 words yesterday, today I hoping on writing that same amount or close to it. I feel so alive and free from any worries when I write. I let my mind do the writing, but my hands do the typing. My partner is my muse. When they are working we email each other on their breaks at work. When they're home they inspire me to write at my best. Plus on Thursday our friend visits, which is awesome. I love J.K. and they are very insightful and good to run off things I'm thinking about writing about and I get some good vibes from him.
Friday, January 21, 2011
Poem - The Real Me
I don't even know
Where I should start
You've affected my life
And more importantly my heart
You brought something out
That I didn't know was there
Because no one took the time
To tell me they care
I saw a side of myself
That I thought had been dead
Yet you awakened my soul
With everything you have said
You're different from everyone
And you understand me
You broke down my walls
And the real me, you see
Where I should start
You've affected my life
And more importantly my heart
You brought something out
That I didn't know was there
Because no one took the time
To tell me they care
I saw a side of myself
That I thought had been dead
Yet you awakened my soul
With everything you have said
You're different from everyone
And you understand me
You broke down my walls
And the real me, you see
Poem - Brother
Walking thought the halls of this world alone,
searching for the thing unknown,
looking for the one to help me thought,
this world i thought was true,
and then i found some one to share,
this new world with,
without a care,
your there for me when no one else was,
you showed me what a true friend was,
your there for me with all this crap,
my life has to hold from the past,
you hold me high when all i do is fall,
for this i will call,
my brother,
my friend,
i will love you till the end,
Thanks for being there my true friend.
searching for the thing unknown,
looking for the one to help me thought,
this world i thought was true,
and then i found some one to share,
this new world with,
without a care,
your there for me when no one else was,
you showed me what a true friend was,
your there for me with all this crap,
my life has to hold from the past,
you hold me high when all i do is fall,
for this i will call,
my brother,
my friend,
i will love you till the end,
Thanks for being there my true friend.
Poem - The Love That Grew Out Of Friendship
About 6 years ago,
On Valentine's Day...
I handed someone a card,
That was the only thing I gave.
And about 8 months ago,
He pulled it out again,
He showed it to me
And my heart began to sing
The card I gave him,
Said "I'll croak if you won't be mine."
Now if you stop and think about this
Then love must really be divine!
His name may be old,
Yet our love is forever new
His name is Troy Rockwell
And soon, that will be me too!
On Valentine's Day...
I handed someone a card,
That was the only thing I gave.
And about 8 months ago,
He pulled it out again,
He showed it to me
And my heart began to sing
The card I gave him,
Said "I'll croak if you won't be mine."
Now if you stop and think about this
Then love must really be divine!
His name may be old,
Yet our love is forever new
His name is Troy Rockwell
And soon, that will be me too!
Sunday, January 16, 2011
Update - Change of Heart
Today has been a rather productive day for me. I got some work done on my story. Even though word was playing up and kept shutting down on me, I still got some good writing done. This story is a story I'm writing with parts of my own life into my story. I'm a gay male, but with a difference. Anyhow, I love writing this story. It is helping me get some feelings and thoughts out of my life to write a story.
Friday, January 14, 2011
Leave - Poem
Screams echo
words cut deep
i hide the bruises
i fake a smile
i push the tears back
nothing can cover the truth
lies to everyone
lies to hide
rage depression fills life
my family is hurt
my fault only my fault
my heart is black
wrists stained red
will never forgive
for the words they said
leave it all behind
leave it all in pieces
just leave
words cut deep
i hide the bruises
i fake a smile
i push the tears back
nothing can cover the truth
lies to everyone
lies to hide
rage depression fills life
my family is hurt
my fault only my fault
my heart is black
wrists stained red
will never forgive
for the words they said
leave it all behind
leave it all in pieces
just leave
Life - Poem
Life hates me life doesn't care
it takes
holds me in a prison of hate
no light no joy
only guilt and lies fill the air
cant break free
hurting falling
darkness surrounds my thoughts
I'm lost in memories
my fault my mistake
life is cruel
life is nothing
it takes
holds me in a prison of hate
no light no joy
only guilt and lies fill the air
cant break free
hurting falling
darkness surrounds my thoughts
I'm lost in memories
my fault my mistake
life is cruel
life is nothing
Saturday, January 8, 2011
Poem - Immortal Addiction
I keep holding onto your daisies,
even though I should have planted
them on your grave stone.
I can't seem to let go of your scent,
the one you had glued to your skin.
These memories I still etch,
lips and hints of your past,
are not yet framed in my house
for you live discreetly, with me.
The sea hurls my unfinished work
and paintings half- coated,
toward its labored hole,
but even as I am immersed
in my overpowering compulsion,
I reiterate your menus
and quotes from a prisoner's cell.
even though I should have planted
them on your grave stone.
I can't seem to let go of your scent,
the one you had glued to your skin.
These memories I still etch,
lips and hints of your past,
are not yet framed in my house
for you live discreetly, with me.
The sea hurls my unfinished work
and paintings half- coated,
toward its labored hole,
but even as I am immersed
in my overpowering compulsion,
I reiterate your menus
and quotes from a prisoner's cell.
Friday, January 7, 2011
Poem - Eminent Pain
It never really changes,
Time just keeps ticking on.
How I feel inside,
Emotion is still pretty strong.
Loss is still eminent,
And how you went away.
It never really left
It's complicated, they say.
I shifted the anger,
Dealt with the denial.
Disbelief still haunts me,
Your softness, lost smile.
Sometimes I get breathless,
Thinking back to those days.
Your last words to me unknown,
And that's how they'll stay.
Your voice still rings clearly,
How you said my name.
Your passed oh so slowly,
It's never been the same.
The mark you left here,
The impact on my heart.
I watched you suffer,
And it ripped me apart.
I often think of you,
Don't dream of you anymore.
I'd do anything to see you,
Like I could before.
But years have passed,
The world set you free.
No, you're not coming home,
Coming home to me.
Time just keeps ticking on.
How I feel inside,
Emotion is still pretty strong.
Loss is still eminent,
And how you went away.
It never really left
It's complicated, they say.
I shifted the anger,
Dealt with the denial.
Disbelief still haunts me,
Your softness, lost smile.
Sometimes I get breathless,
Thinking back to those days.
Your last words to me unknown,
And that's how they'll stay.
Your voice still rings clearly,
How you said my name.
Your passed oh so slowly,
It's never been the same.
The mark you left here,
The impact on my heart.
I watched you suffer,
And it ripped me apart.
I often think of you,
Don't dream of you anymore.
I'd do anything to see you,
Like I could before.
But years have passed,
The world set you free.
No, you're not coming home,
Coming home to me.
Poem - Letting you Go
It's better this way
I know you'll see
You act like you don't care
So you don't need me
I'm walking away
Before i get hurt
I don't need it again
To be kicked to the dirt
I have problems of my own
But never once did i ignore
When i needed you most
I was shown the door
So i'm following my sense
I'm letting you go
But i loved you very much
Just so you know!
I know you'll see
You act like you don't care
So you don't need me
I'm walking away
Before i get hurt
I don't need it again
To be kicked to the dirt
I have problems of my own
But never once did i ignore
When i needed you most
I was shown the door
So i'm following my sense
I'm letting you go
But i loved you very much
Just so you know!
Thursday, January 6, 2011
Poem - Buried Alive
Knowing you all my life is what hurts the most.
I wish we have never met,
then we would have never of been this close.
You were not only the closest person I would hang out with everyday,
but you let drugs come our way.
As I see tears roll down everyone's eyes,
people on their knees crying,
people I have never even met.
it's killing me inside.
before yesterday, I thought everything was fine,
I have so much anger against you right now!
how could you let this happen?!
I hate myself now!
I feel guilty!
I wish we have never met,
then we would have never of been this close.
You were not only the closest person I would hang out with everyday,
but you let drugs come our way.
As I see tears roll down everyone's eyes,
people on their knees crying,
people I have never even met.
it's killing me inside.
before yesterday, I thought everything was fine,
I have so much anger against you right now!
how could you let this happen?!
I hate myself now!
I feel guilty!
Poem - It's All Over
Washed up and forgotten
amid the sandy beaches,
overlooking my shady reflection;
deception and neglect
stares back at me.
Did I try too hard?
Was I wrong for what I did?
Is this truly the end-
mend and send
these sorrows away then.
Endings never turn out good
so why should I wait for mine,
as the sun breaks the horizon
I stop trying
in frustration and confusion.
It's all over.
amid the sandy beaches,
overlooking my shady reflection;
deception and neglect
stares back at me.
Did I try too hard?
Was I wrong for what I did?
Is this truly the end-
mend and send
these sorrows away then.
Endings never turn out good
so why should I wait for mine,
as the sun breaks the horizon
I stop trying
in frustration and confusion.
It's all over.
Monday, January 3, 2011
Character Building
To build good characters for your story, you must look at the mirror image of yourself. looking at yourself is something we all need to do to make believable characters in our stories we write. Today I have been doing some research about how to build good believable characters for my stories. You need to look into depth and think about the main character of your story.
A character first of all must be believable by the reader. You must connect the characters with the readers you want to attract. I want my stories to attract the young adults of this world. So I believe that to reach them, you must think like a child. Not a young child, but the age range I want to attract to read my stories. My goal and aim is to get the young adults to read and feel like the main character is their friend. They understand what the main character is going through.
With each character, you need to know what their going through, what makes them tick and how they act around their friends and families. What they feel, want and goals are. I know most my characters are strong in either mind, body or soul. Something they have all three elements.
A base for a Character build:
Full name, nickname, age, appearance(style of dress), education, occupation, relationships(family, friends), likes and dislikes, hobbies, talents, strengths and weaknesses, ethnic background, special characteristics, nervous habits, health issues(asthma, diabetes. etc), favorite saying, fears and goals, favorite saying, eating habits etc.
A character first of all must be believable by the reader. You must connect the characters with the readers you want to attract. I want my stories to attract the young adults of this world. So I believe that to reach them, you must think like a child. Not a young child, but the age range I want to attract to read my stories. My goal and aim is to get the young adults to read and feel like the main character is their friend. They understand what the main character is going through.
With each character, you need to know what their going through, what makes them tick and how they act around their friends and families. What they feel, want and goals are. I know most my characters are strong in either mind, body or soul. Something they have all three elements.
A base for a Character build:
Full name, nickname, age, appearance(style of dress), education, occupation, relationships(family, friends), likes and dislikes, hobbies, talents, strengths and weaknesses, ethnic background, special characteristics, nervous habits, health issues(asthma, diabetes. etc), favorite saying, fears and goals, favorite saying, eating habits etc.
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