Monday, May 15, 2017

Poem - I'd Have to Deal

All I want to do is breathe
Yet all I ever feel is that I'm suffocating 
Sometimes it's unnoticeable 
Sometimes I'm fighting to breathe 
Feels like my chest is breaking

I cry all the time with no reason
I think of ending it all 
All the possible ways of doing so 
I'm suffocating I'm trapped 
I'm trapped in my body 
Yet I feel I'm not living 
I feel like I need an escape 

Feeling lost and scared all the time
Breathing can be so unbearable 
But then holding my breath
Tryin not to breathe
Feeling fate then letting go

I hold my head underwater sometimes
Letting go 
But something always pulls me up
The feeling of nearly dying

I feel that all the time even when I'm not even stressing 
My anxiety is fine 
Yet I'm still fighting to breathe 
Holding my chest like it's about to burst
Just burst I yell yet nothing happens 
I start breathing again
Then I have this feeling 
Dread fear lost confused 

I don't understand why I feel this way
Parts of me wants to belong
But then other parts wants me gone!
No one understands 
No one knows I feel like this
I can't say it out loud to them
They will change I know it

I'd be bubble wrapped 
Though I already feel that way
Controlled by everyone around me
Being told what to do
That alone, is suffocating 
That alone, makes me not belong

They say speak tell people how you feel
Words I'm not good with words
I stutter I fall over
If I say how I feel out loud 
Then what wud happen
Would I fall to the ground
Would I finally break down

It's easier typing writing down
But no one I care about will read this
I'll hide it away
They can't see me
Deep down how I feel
No to scary 
Cause then I'd have to deal

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