Poem - I'd Have to Deal

All I want to do is breathe

Yet all I ever feel is that I'm suffocating 

Sometimes it's unnoticeable 

Sometimes I'm fighting to breathe 

Feels like my chest is breaking

I cry all the time with no reason

I think of ending it all 

All the possible ways of doing so 

I'm suffocating I'm trapped 

I'm trapped in my body 

Yet I feel I'm not living 

I feel like I need an escape 

Feeling lost and scared all the time

Breathing can be so unbearable 

But then holding my breath

Tryin not to breathe

Feeling fate then letting go

I hold my head underwater sometimes

Letting go 

But something always pulls me up

The feeling of nearly dying

I feel that all the time even when I'm not even stressing 

My anxiety is fine 

Yet I'm still fighting to breathe 

Holding my chest like it's about to burst

Just burst I yell yet nothing happens 

I start breathing again

Then I have this feeling 

Dread fear lost confused 

I don't understand why I feel this way

Parts of me wants to belong

But then other parts wants me gone!

No one understands 

No one knows I feel like this

I can't say it out loud to them

They will change I know it

I'd be bubble wrapped 

Though I already feel that way

Controlled by everyone around me

Being told what to do

That alone, is suffocating 

That alone, makes me not belong

They say speak tell people how you feel

Words I'm not good with words

I stutter I fall over

If I say how I feel out loud 

Then what wud happen

Would I fall to the ground

Would I finally break down

It's easier typing writing down

But no one I care about will read this

I'll hide it away

They can't see me

Deep down how I feel

No to scary 

Cause then I'd have to deal