Poem - SAcars

Every scar on my body has a story of pain, hurt and emotion,
Knowing that the only thing that will get me through everyday,
Is picking up that razor blade and slicing all the pain away,

not just once, but numerous times,Deeper and deeper every time just to make sure I'm still alive, escaping to a place for hours sometimes days

My body starts to turn numb I can't no longer feel, all the pain i hold inside seems to be going away,I feel as though I no longer belong here I don't even know Who I have become I don't know who I am anymore, I just want to feel a little normal

Poem - Forever

How do you love when you have been so hurt?
When your feelings are thrown out, into the dirt.

How do you regain the power to remain as you once did.
When you wish to erase the past, so you can seal the lid.

What makes a man go silent in the darkness of his mind.
Who can save that soul, no clues, lost, not easy to find.

Take that empty space that you created for yourself inside your soul.
Ask yourself a thousand questions always ending with,
"what will make me whole".

Is alcohol the answer to life when things start to go bad.
Do you take drugs to escape, reminiscing of things you had.

So there you were standing in front of a soul so lost.
You put your heart on the line, for love what a cost.

You sacrificed the things just to feel something for someone new.
But this bond between us so strong, it only grew.

I wrap my arms around the wound on your soulful skin.
You wrap me in, you can feel my emotions wearing thin.

My tears were waterfalls for a love I didn't want to lose.
We fought harsh, on opposing teams, creating a stem of blues.

Ah but these emotions, they fight for you until this day still.
The fight never stops, with my love it is you I want to fill.

My emotions are lost somewhere, out there in space.
With time they will come down, back into their place.

This part of me still caring, still wanting you more than ever.
Its killing me inside, because I want you for me, forever.

Poem - Lonely

Its 2 a.m in the morning.
I still awake remembering you and me.
Memories still flowing.
And I'm here still overthinking.

I am lonely without you here.
Its feel whole world is upside down.
I regret what i did before.
And now i just simply lonely.

Camp NaNo - Progress - Day 6

It's been six days since Camp-NaNo started. I got off track since I was terribly ill yesterday. I need to catch my word count up big time. I think the story I'm writing is going to be a big sell in the stores. I am working on editing my first story while I'm writing my fifth. I have been writing and researching this story for two years now. It's in memory of my deceased mother-in-law. She was more of a mother/mom to me than my own mother was.

I think she will be reading this story as I write it up in heaven. She told me like my father-in-law says I'm an excellent writer. It makes me proud to write this story in honor of her kindness and love for me and caring for what I loved to do. She is so special, even though she is up in heaven. I believe she is min my heart and up there cheering me on as I write my stories.

Megan Chronicles - One More River to Cross (book 1)

Megan mother died of cancer. She watched at her mother's bedside as she died. Megan just a mere eleven years of age. She is alone for the first time in her life. A couple from Indiana, America come to the reading of the will. It says Juliette, Megan's mother leaves custody of her daughter to her best friend from their college years.

Now Megan has to leave the only place she's called home to move across the ocean to live in a foreign country with a slightly different language. She learns she gets to be the only girl in a family filled with four boys, both older and younger than her. She tries to fit in, but her language becomes a barrier at times. She feels left out and alone. 

She makes friends slowly with a group at school. She also starts to go to church. Her mother wasn't a church goer. Her new home they are catholic and she becomes one. She begins to believe in  God and Jesus. She goes to classes and has her first communion. She studies the bible and learns that God is there for her. She accepts and goes through the grieving process as she begins to want to call her new family and call them mom and dad along with the four brothers she gains.

Poem - Tired of Trying

Show him death
Show him pain
Show him what it's like
When blood rains

Show him hurt
Show him the life I've lead
Show him the scars
And the blood I've bled

Show him the knife
I dragged across my skin
Show him it gets worse
That his pain has yet to begin

Show him how it feels
How it feels to die
To feel worthless
Like you can no longer try

Tell him how it all goes down
Tell him how it ends
Tell him how easily
Flesh and bones bend

Tell him how it feels
To have your heart ripped out
Tell him that this
Is what life is about

Make him see the blood
Flowing across the floor
Make him feel what it's like
To not want to try anymore

Make him see this girl
Who's broken and dying
Please God make him see
I'm so tired of trying

Poem - Does Anyone Care

I'm here
your there
I'm just wondering
does anyone care

things happen
love, dispair
just thinking to myself
does anyone care

I loved once
I used to be there
so i wonder
does anybody care

I lose myself
nothing else
makes me wonder
does any one care

I've let my self out
I have my doubt
just wondering
does anyone care

Twenty Sighs You've Been Reading Too Much YA

I read a lot of Young Adult, both for work and fun. I love it. I mean, I love me some good YA. (Not that anyone would ever admit to loving bad anything, but you know what I mean.) And there is some great YA out there.

However, every so often, I’ll realize that I haven’t had an adult book in my reading history in a while, and I’ll notice it because my thought patterns start to get weird.

1. You get in an argument with your significant other. Instead of talking it over, you update your Facebook status with: “I knew YOU were trouble when you walked in – TS. SO TRUE!”

2. Two of your friends hung out and forgot to ask if you wanted to come. You realize you can never speak to those skanks again.

3. You make eye contact with a handsome stranger on the train. If he gets off at your stop, he is totes your future boyfriend. Duh.

4. Your parents don’t love your new boyfriend, BUT DOESN’T MATTER BECAUSE YOU WILL DIE BEFORE YOU LET HIM GO.

5. You’re seriously considering setting up a SnapChat account.

6. You’ve quit asking anyone for help because you are independent and you can handle anything! And everyone is probably busy, so you don’t want to bother them any way. They’d just think you were annoying.

7. You’re thinking that a makeover might actually change your life.

8. That asshole you met at a party? They’re just misunderstood. You can totally change them. You understand.

9. You are very, very concerned with finding the love of your life.

10. You’re thinking about changing your name to Aerith. Or Llynia. Or Kaden. Or Tomás.

11. You’re worried that your friends are more frenemies than besties and are trying to kill you with kindness. All motives are suspect.

12. You’re pretty sure that America’s going to be a dystopia in your lifetime, so you’re thinking about taking up archery.

13. You’ve somehow found yourself at the center of a huge government conspiracy. (Though it’s possible that maybe your internet is just not working.)

14. You’re deliberately using unnecessary shorthand in texting á la: “U coming 2 my party 2nite?” (Also, you are having house parties.)

15. Or you’re just speaking in hashtags. #YOLO #Blessed #Etc

16. Some jerk crossed you and now it is time to create the most elaborate form of revenge ever. Probably in the form of public embarrassment. Will definitely involve pictures of said jerk in underwear posted to [insert social network here].

17. You keep waking up naked without any recollection of the previous night. You’re pretty sure you’re a werewolf. Or drinking too much.

18. You’re still pissed off that no one sent you your goddamn letter to Hogwarts.

19. You’ve started shipping people in real life. Subway Conductor x Angry Commuter = OTP4Lyfe.

20. You know that you are the most special, most amazing, most unique person in the world. You are the Chosen One.

This came from  Book Riot