OctPoWriMo - Day Seven

Missing You

Time moves and things change

As they're supposed to.

I sit on the outside looking in

And think of you.

I think that I should move on

But it's because people keep talking

Like I have to follow.

Can't they tell by now that I'm different?

Not remember how close we were?

I barely left your side

And you stayed with me.

I don't care what they say

Because I miss you,

I miss you so much.

You were my life,

My soul,

My saving grace.

You were my home.

Now you're gone

And so is everything,

Everything I ever knew..

OctPoWriMo - Day Five

Who I Am

I'm stuck between
who I am ,
who I want to be,
and who I should be.

I should be a smart
good girl,
maybe a bit mysterious,
given I like to keep secrets.

I want to be at least average,
pretty, and confident.
I want to be happy
and have friends that truly care.

But unfortunately, I'm
stupid, not very pretty, and very annoying.
I'm a depressed wreck
with no chance of true happiness.

I'm constantly thinking
of who I want to be,
worrying over who I should be,
and hating who I really am.

OctPoWriMo - Day Four

Best Way To Go

Flesh and hair yield no interest in me these days.
Limbs and lips are just accessories to the soul.

No one carries a drop of my blood in their heart,
So why carry on living in an empty vessel,
An empty sack of bones and non functional organs?

Instead, I wish I were a small secluded flower
Up on a hill with fresh air and vanilla spring water.

Dying as a person demands attention and harsh fluorescent lights.
A stench of biohazard trash and wasted moments besiege a white, sterilized room.

But wilting and withering away like a flower does
Must be the most peaceful way to go...

Surrounded by life as the sun sets and a light scent 
Of blooming roses and imminent rain lovingly intoxicate 
Delicate and decaying parts of me,
A simple form of life on earth...

To lie so still cushioned by a quilt of grass,
While the sun warms me up,
And it's dark counterpart cools me down
Day after day, 
Until I've withered thoroughly 
And have at last joined the the souls of nature deceased.

OctPoWriMo - Day Three

Depression Takes It's Toll

Behind these eyes, I cry the tears I've never shed

In my heart, I feel the pain I have known to dread

I am fractured, shattered

And for once a smile can't smother the hurt

It'll only make it worse

I was prepared for what would happen

I kept repeating that if would be tragic

My heart is cracked open, broken

I could feel his heart begin to rest

And I understand that it's for the best

I hate this

The tears keep tumblind down

And I can't fake it, I can't fake it

I am fractured, shattered

And for once a smile can't mask the hurt

It'll only make everything worse

This is the first time I've ever had to feel

It hurts to have something to reveal

I hate looking a mess

From the burning in my chest

Because the tears are finally real

OctPoWriMo - Day Two

Refusal to Acceptance

I am in denial.

I sometimes hope.

I sometimes wish.

So much that..

I sometimes believe..

That you need me as much as I do you.

That you want to talk as much as I want to talk to you

That you think of me as much as I think of you.

But,

I am in denial. 

Because I know that isn't so.

I need you, and you can go on without me.

I want to talk to you all day long but you can occupy yourself without me.

And I think of you all day long and I'm you hardly think of me.

I know I'm in denial. 

But acceptance is what I need to achieve. 

I'm having a hard time getting there.

I think id rather believe what I want.. 

It makes me happy.. I smile..

In the moment..

For the moment..

But that can only be followed by pain and disappointment.

I thank you though

For being the false happiness in my beautiful imaginary world. 

OctPoWritMo - Number One

As Time Passed By

Two weeks have passed

I still await the day when everything

Shall become the way I have dreamt

But all wishes become shattered

As I encounter the same loneliness 

That has been my companion through time

In occasions when sadness surrounds me, 

Deciding to remind myself of happier times 

Seems useless to the mind,

And every bit of passion in me,

Desires your presence again

Forgetting all the pain it causes the heart.

Could this be the final chapter?

A moment in history where it all ends,

Or could it be a renewal of my life itself?

16 Personality Factors

(Based on Cattell's 16 Personality Factors)

Way too little	Less	More	Way too much
WARMTH
anti-social	reserved	warm	intrusive
unkind	impersonal	outgoing	smothering
cold	distant	attentive to others	nosy
uninvolved	cool	kindly
	detached	easy going
	formal	participating
	aloof	likes people
	self-centered	sociable
	ungenerous	friendly
	socially inhibited	compassionate
		helpful
		nurturing
EMOTIONAL STABILITY
obsessive	emotionally reactive	emotionally stable	unresponsive
frenzied	changeable moods	adaptive
hysterical	affected by feelings	mature
fickle	emotionally less stable	faces reality
histrionic (dramatic)	easily upset	calm
	excitable	unsentimental
	high strung	impartial
DOMINANCE
drone	deferential	dominant	domineering
passive	cooperative	forceful	dictatorial
	avoids conflict	assertive	antagonistic
	submissive	aggressive	vindictive
	humble	competitive	vengeful
	obedient	stubborn	unforgiving
	easily led	bossy	hostile
	docile	willful
	accommodating
	subdued
	compliant
	agreeableness
LIVELINESS
humorless	serious	lively	whirlwind
apathetic	restrained	animated	undependable
	prudent	spontaneous	extravagant
	taciturn	enthusiastic
	introspective	happy go lucky
	silent	cheerful
	dour	expressive
		energetic
		passionate
		indulgent
RULE CONSCIOUSNESS
anarchist	expedient	rule-conscious	rule bound
nihilist	nonconforming	dutiful	moralistic
lawless	disregards rules	conscientious	judgmental
dishonest	self indulgent	conforming	critical
manipulative	disobedient	staid
	unrestrained	self-controlled
	impulsive	dependable
		responsible
SOCIAL BOLDNESS
agoraphobic	shy	socially bold	blind to social cues
reclusive	threat-sensitive	venturesome	attention seeker
inhibited	timid	thick skinned	self-aggrandizement
	hesitant	uninhibited
	easily intimidated	can take stress
SENSITIVITY
insensitive	utilitarian	sensitive	manic
	objective	aesthetic
	unsentimental	sentimental
	tough minded	tender minded (tender hearted)
	self-reliant	intuitive
	no-nonsense	refined
	rough	empathetic
	resolute	receptive
	determined	histrionic
	open-minded
VIGILANCE
naive	trusting	vigilant	cynical
gullible	unsuspecting	suspicious	prejudiced
	accepting	skeptical	biased
	unconditional	distrustful
	easy	oppositional
		uncooperative
ABSTRACTEDNESS
unimaginative	grounded	abstracted	out of touch with reality
	practical	imaginative
	prosaic	absent minded
	solution oriented	impractical
	steady	absorbed in ideas
	straightforward	idealistic
PRIVATENESS
blabbermouth	forthright	private	secretive
gossip	indiscreet	discreet
	artless	non-disclosing
	open	shrewd
	guileless	polished
	unpretentious	worldly
	involved	astute
	genuine	diplomatic
APPREHENSION
arrogant	self-assured	apprehensive	fear-bound
	unworried	self doubting
	complacent	worrying
	secure	guilt prone
	free of guilt	insecure
	confident	self blaming
	self satisfied	nervous
	self confident
OPENNESS TO CHANGE
fear of the unknown	traditional	open to change	sensation seeker
close minded	attached to familiar	experimenting	novelty seeker
dogmatic	conservative	liberal
	respecting traditional ideas	analytical
	consistent	critical (evaluating not censorious)
	cautious	free thinking
	conventional	flexible
	pessimistic	optimistic
	predictable	inventive
	seeker of answers	asker of questions
		unpredictable
		surprising
		curious
		self-transcendent (seeing self as an integral part of the universe)
		adventurous
SELF-RELIANCE
leech	group-oriented	self-reliant	loner
self-sacrificing	affiliative	solitary	rude
people pleasing	a joiner and follower	resourceful	selfish
narcissistic	dependent	individualistic	greedy
	extrovert (gets recharged being with others)	self sufficient	tightfisted
	accommodating	introvert (needs alone time to recharge)
	selfless	independent
	generous	self-interested
	self-monitoring	self-focused
	other-focused
	altruistic
	humble (modest)
	considerate
	tolerant
PERFECTIONISM
oblivious	tolerates disorder	perfectionist	obsessive
chaotic	unexacting	organized	hoarder
	flexible	compulsive	workaholic
	undisciplined	self-disciplined	hyper-focused on flaws
	lax	socially precise
	self-conflict	exacting will power
	careless of social rules	controlled
	uncontrolled	self-sentimental
	seeker of 'good enough'	careful
	focused on what's right	deliberation
		persistence
		simplicity
		thorough
		seeker of 'the best'
		goal oriented
		success oriented
		efficient
		focused on what's wrong
TENSION
torpid	relaxed	tense	overwrought
listless	placid	high energy
indolent	tranquil	impatient
	patient	driven
	composed	frustrated
	low drive	high drive
	easy going	time driven
	low anxiety	high anxiety
	relaxed	tense
	imperturbable	perturbable
	well-adjusted
REASONING
	concrete thinking	abstract-thinking
	lower general mental capacity	more intelligent
	less intelligent	bright
		higher general mental capacity
		fast learner

---

I made some changes to Cattell's list. I suspect some words have shifted meanings since Cattell listed them, such as, critical meant evaluating but is now commonly used to mean condemning. So, I added a few words (to the bottoms of lists), removed a couple, and moved one. I listed his "5 Global Factors" under the categories where they seemed to best fit with the 16. (They're global because Cattell felt they fit several categories.)

The "way too" words in the columns to left and right I added. These aren't traits people are born with. Environment or life events warped the person in these directions. These are also where characters have the potential for the most (story) growth.

HISTORY: Back in the 1930s Gordon Allport collected 17,953 personality words -- by scanning through the dictionary! He whittled them down to 4505. Cattell whittled them further to 171 then categorized them.